If you are anything like us, then the story in the news Wednesday had to make you laugh and mutter: "what was that guy thinking?"
Apparently last Friday Chris Frantis, 41 from Glen Ellyn, was riding his tandem bicycle with a friend when he felt a Pace bus got "too close" to the bike. When the bus pulled over to let passengers on, Frantis entered the bus, put the driver in a headlock and pounded the driver's head several times against the glass. Because the driver was wearing a seat belt, he wasn't able to defend himself against the attack.
Afterward, Frantis tried to flee the scene on his bicycle built for two. As you can imagine, the police had no trouble catching and arresting him.
So that led us to think, what are the worst getaway vehicles possible? Frantis should be embarrassed of his actions, but the truth is that there are some criminals who are going to live the rest of their lives with some truly moronic incidents on their police record.
10. STOLEN FIRE TRUCK - To be honest, Matthew and Rowena Schade were not actually caught in their stolen fire truck. They were arrested upon returning the truck after fleeing in it for 18 days in the fall of 2009. However, stealing a fire truck to aide your crime spree and avoid arrest is so unusual we had to include it. What makes the story even more bizarre - the Schades took their two children along with them on their crime spree that lasted for weeks and began in Nebraska but ended up in South Dakota. There is no mention of the Schades attempted to put out any fires while they had possession of the Silver City fire truck.
9. SANTA ON CITY BUS - In 2009, Anthony Russo, 46, attempted to kidnap a 12-year-old girl from the city street. Thankfully, she managed to elude Russo when he tried to grab her. So how did the pedophile-in-waiting make his getaway? By taking an RTA bus in Parma, Ohio. Officers were able to easily identify Russo because he was also dressed as Santa Claus.
8. GO-KART - Maybe we should call it a "no-go-kart" since 29-year-old Edward Sweezy was less than mile from his home when officers found the drunken South Carolina man in March 2010. There should be no surprise that alcohol is suspected of being involved. And crack. And pills. And probably an unhealthy does of stupidity. With an onomatopoeic name like "Sweezy" we think he missed his calling as a pickpocket from a Charles Dickens novel.
7. GROCERY CART - What is better about this story: the fact that a 58-year-old man used a motorized grocery cart to steal 11 packages of meat from a Winn-Dixie or that he ran over a 4-year-old boy in the process? Louis Lorensen was driving the motorized grocery cart out of the store and yelled "Get out of my way!" to the boy, who didn't move fast enough so Lorensen ran over the boy's foot while trying to flee. Does the story get better? Of course it does - when arrested Lorensen (remember, he's a 58-year-old man) grew belligerent, yelling at the arresting officer: "I ain't no punk, and I ain't going down without a fight." Whereupon the officers threw the handcuffs on him. But Lorensen still wasn't done with this threats. While being booked he kept telling the arresting officers how he would "punch [them] in the face" when the cuffs were removed.
6. HUMVEE STRETCH LIMO - Officers in Topeka, Kansas had a relatively easy time closing the case of the Kwik Shop robbery by a man wielding a knife who was later identified as Erick D. Henson, 24. Why? Because a getaway car wasn't classy enough for Henson, he used a limo. And not just any limo - a white, stretch Humvee limo. Unemployed at the time of arrest, Henson was found drunk in the back of the limo by officers who located the limo about two miles from the Kwik Shop. But the questions only build with no apparent answer yet: where was Henson planning to go that night that he needed a stretch limo? Did he blow all his money on renting the limo and was trying to steal his driver's tip? And how exactly do you tactfully say to your driver, "excuse me, good man, but would you be so kind as to pull over at Chez Kwik Shop while I rob them with my knife?"
5. RIDING LAWNMOWER - Surprise, surprise but South Carolina makes our list again. In November 2010, Ricky New beat a convenience store clerk with a stick and attempted his slow-motion getaway on a riding lawnmower. Wouldn't you just love to hear the conversation between New and Sweezy (No. 8 above) debating who had the more ridiculous vehicle of choice - go-kart or lawnmower while they watch Gamecocks football games?
4. WHEELCHAIR - In November 2010, 44-year-old Noemi Duchene put a black bag on her head as a mask and attempted to rob a jewelry store in El Paso, Texas armed with 12-inch knife while her partner, Luis Del Castillo, waited outside the store with her wheelchair. Unfazed and ready to taze, owner Linda Bradley simply pulled out her stun gun from under the counter and ended the confrontation rather quickly. It's just like momma always said: never bring a knife to a tazer fight.
3. POLICE CAR - An off-duty German police officer used his own unmarked police car and his own department-issued gun to rob a bank in April 2009, getting away with $12,000. Closed circuit cameras caught the 55-year-old in action and officers arrested their coworker quickly thereafter. Maybe the less learned here is to not stereotype people - apparently not all Germans are smart.
2. MOTORIZED WHEELCHAIR - In February 2011, a 400-pound woman tried to steal approximately $600 worth of electronics from a Meijer when her motorized cart got stuck in the store's doors. Jerrie Perkins, 30, hit an employee in the face when asked to show her receipt for the products. When police officers arrived, Perkins, who stands just 5-foot-2, grew even more combative so the officers tazed the wild beast. Short, wide, violent and felonious - who says all the good woman are already taken?
1. LOCKED OUT OF CAR - We just love this story from earlier this summer out of Florida (natch). Back in May, three would-be robbers - Auburn Edwards, 22, Lawrence Barlow, 20, and Richard Chappell, 24 - attempted a home invasion in Kissimmee. The trio forced the husband-wife homeowners and three visitors inside and onto the floor. The three felons took their victims cell phones and cut the land line cord to aide their getaway. But after robbing the home and returning to their car, they realized they had left the keys to their car back inside with the five victims, who promptly locked the front door. Locked out of both home and car, the trio was promptly arrested and currently face numerous charges. There is no word yet who will replace the three men on the Miami Hurricanes football roster. (OK, that last line is a joke, but we couldn't resist. Go Hokies!)
Filed under: Uncategorized