It happened sometime after my second child was born. After months of not drinking while pregnant plus the new added stress of two little needy children, I turned to wine.
It started at playgroups where wine was served at 4:00 p.m. Due to being awake since 6:00 a.m. and spending every minute changing diapers, feeding, calming cranky babies and watching the clock tick by, wine was a welcome escape.
I don't remember when the wine went from playdates with friends to me alone in my kitchen cooking dinner for my screaming kids. At the beginning, it made me feel happy, relaxed and somewhat normal when I let all the mundane of motherhood go away.
Next, I was diagnosed with MS and luckily had wine to give me a few hours a day to forget about my shitty luck.
I knew for a long time that I needed and wanted to give up this habit. After the short euphoria came the bad nights of sleep, the morning headaches, hangovers and weight gain.
But, I couldn't.
I would stop for a few days and revel how wonderful I felt, then a long, bad or hard day would arrive and I turned to my buddy, Chardonnay, to solve my problems.
It is easier to keep drinking, than to do the hard work to stop.
When spring arrived and I was sluggish, unhappy and saw the number on the scale, I knew this time that a change was mandatory. That moment I ordered a cleanse and never looked back.
I haven't quit alcohol forever. My husband and I share a bottle of wine on our date night and I enjoy some Prosecco with the girls when we rarely get out together. But, it is funny I get drunk so easily now and always regret it in the morning.
There are days around dinner time that I consider a glass, but I remind myself it won't solve my problems and opt instead for water or tea.
I don't know if I was an alcoholic or I had a drinking problem, but I do know I have lost weight, am much happier and confident than I was during those dark days.
Mom Drinking is more common than it appears. Parenting is hard and life can be trying. What I've learned is to acknowledge and experience my problems, opposed to using alcohol or food to cover it up. Because, guess what, it is still there when you wake up the next morning.
I would much rather greet the day without the headache and added pounds.
Do you ever Mom Drink?
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- Check out my 2014 photo project How Quickly They Change.