Category: Manic-Depression

Happy National Coming Out Dead Dad Day.

At approximately 8ish a.m., four years ago to the day, I was in the living room when my father took his last breath. I spent the night before slipping droppers full of morphine into his mouth in an effort to keep him comfortable. Praying that I was helping to keep him out of pain, while... Read more »

Why "We Are Not Accepting New Patients" Is Literally Driving Me Mad

I guess a lot of people would just say it’s my own fault. I should get a better paying job. I should get a job with insurance. I should, should, should — I’m tired of getting should on by society, truth be told. If all of those things were that easy, don’t you think that... Read more »

Memorial Day Weekend -- Filled With Memories, But Not About Military Service

It’s been 16 years. 16 years since I’ve seen the inside of a psychiatric hospital. Tomorrow marks the 16 year anniversary of my voluntary check-in to the world’s worst hotel. I had forgotten until right now. At some point, (soon I hope), I’ll get around to writing the memoir where I go into it all... Read more »
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XV

Today is my 15 year sobriety birthday. It’s really just another day, in most respects. I didn’t do anything different. I’m still just walking the road. Sometimes people congratulate me or say they’re proud, and I understand the sentiment, but I know that it wasn’t me. I didn’t do it of my own willpower or... Read more »

Freaks and Geeks Revisited

Like many of the things I do, re-watching Freaks and Geeks doesn’t really make a lot of sense. It’s only one season long, and there’s lots of other things I’ve never even seen. Parenthood. House of Cards. The West Wing. Stranger Things. The OA. But, I found myself firing it up in spite of all... Read more »

Something To Say

You can take me down You can show me your home Not the place where you live But the place where you belong You can bend my ear We can talk all day Just make sure you’re around When I’ve finally got something to say “Something To Say,” Toad The Wet Sprocket It’s been nearly... Read more »
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On The Outside Looking In

“A moment of clarity.” “A moment of truth.” A lot of times, we hear and use that phrase in recovery world to talk about the brief, shining moment when we are able to truly see what our world is like, what we’ve become, and what will happen to us if we keep going the way... Read more »

The Amazing Grace

I didn’t know that I self-medicated my manic-depression before I knew I had manic-depression. By and large, I think the main way I did that before I got sober was with marijuana. I think that probably one of the reasons it stopped working was that it got better — it got stronger. I don’t know... Read more »

I Don't Mean To Scare You

There have been so many blog posts I have started to write in my head and just haven’t. It’s so ironic that I started this blog in an effort to de-stigmatize mental illness, and then just couldn’t really get into the thick of things once my mental illness had me by the throat. I was... Read more »
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Writing It Off And Taking A Loss

I’ve never been good at letting go. Of possessions. Of principles. Of people. I’ve always held on for too long, too tightly, too hard. I struggle with the idea that this world is temporal and that things aren’t made to stay forever; that things can and will change; that people often are here for reasons,... Read more »