Instead, I Will Give Zero ...

...Fucks. There. A compromise to spare you from the word "fuck" in the headline, but not some sort of amalgam of letters and sympols so as to make it seem more palatable. I know what f*ck is. I know was assh*le is. If I'm the type to be offended by language (clearly, I'm not), I'd be equally riled by seeing those. I know what you're driving at.

But .. that's not why I'm here. I'd love to talk grammar and wordplay all day. But I'm talking about the cancer business today. So, I'm glad that I didn't turn this into the cancer blog, but I also feel like I should talk a little bit about my dad and my thoughts on his cancer.

He's getting rid of more cancer cells with every chemo treatment, and fortunately (?) he is of the age and constitution that they are using the medium intensity chemo, so he doesn't throw up or lose his hair or feel like COMPLETE shit every day. Sometimes, I think he feels like minor shit, but it's not like I was afraid it was going to be.


When this all first went down, I went through a state of shock and intense grieving. I wasn't so sure that my dad wouldn't be dead within a few weeks. For a guy who's had a kidney transplant for 30 years, three hip transplants, cataract surgery, lost a toe (and will probably lose a second), and generally has had a bunch of medical crap to deal with his whole life, I just didn't see the cancer coming.

Now that cancer was super personal, I realized I was in a club that I didn't want to be a member of. Family member of someone with cancer. I qualify for a Gilda's Club membership. I have joined some sort of ranks that I didn't sign up for. No one does. But I thought to myself ... "Now am I part of the 'fuck cancer' society?"

Jenna Karvunindis wrote an article about #fuckcancer the other day. It was called, "Why I Won't Say Fuck Cancer Anymore." It was a wonderful article to read, because it validated my thoughts on the matter.

The reason I didn't pick up the #fuckcancer banner wasn't because I was all stoked about cancer. It's because of the Law of Attraction. Now, The Secret went and gave the concept a bad rap, but I believe in the concept -- energy and manipulating said energy and drawing things to us.


[SIDEBAR: I don't believe that people who get cancer or die in wrecks or have issues from birth are being punished or tested or whatever. I do believe that I have a finite mind and have no way to comprehend all of the infinite. So, I can control what I can control best as I can, and the rest ... well, that's "the wisdom to know difference," ey?]


So, if you're at all familiar with the law of attraction, you might have heard that it's about thinking a certain way and making things manifest in your life. You don't have to agree with it, but that's the concept. However, I think people miss something -- something I had to read separate and apart from anything else I heard about this idea.

And that is this -- the universe does NOT hear "no" or "I don't want" or "stay away." It works on the verb. The energy surrounding the actual item. So, to constantly think, "go away cancer" or "I don't want to be fat" isn't helpful. The universe hears "cancer, cancer, cancer" and "fat, fat, fat."

I like this. I like the idea that if I'm trying to employ and reap the benefits of this law, that I have more specifics. I can think about being thin and/or being healthy. It's directing me to more positive things -- an elevated consciousness.


So, that's why I don't have time for #fuckcancer. All that is put out in the world is "cancer, cancer, cancer." The cancer is here. There's nothing doing insofar as taking it back. So, instead of fucking it off and giving it any more attention, I'm choosing to focus on health and happiness and quality of life.

He doesn't know it (I think he'd be pissed, and I don't want to stress him out), but I got a tattoo when this all started. It's a tattoo of a healthy white blood cell, healthy red blood cell and a healthy platelet. It's on my left shoulder (shoulder blades are a "flat bone" and the kind of bone that bone marrow is created in -- hips, ribs, skulls and vertebrate included), and meant to be a silent demonstration of health on my behalf.

So, #givehealth is more my bag. And, if you're sending some good thoughts my way, I hope it's yours, too.

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