Struggling with obedience and listening to the Holy Spirit

How often to we really listen to that voice inside that is telling us to do something?  If we want to do it, then there is no problem.  But how often do we listen to that voice when we REALLY don’t want to do that something that little voice is telling us to do?

In the last few years, I have truly tried to listen to that voice we Christians have inside us, the voice that tells us right from wrong, the voice that is always there, the voice of the Holy Spirit.

All through my life I have heard the voice.  Sometimes I would listen, but then there were times, just as Jonah did, I ran in the opposite direction.  If there is any regret in my life, it is my failure to listen to the Holy Spirit and not following through with what it was telling me.  This past week has been one of struggle in this area.  Discernment hasn’t come easily.

My heart has taken a beating lately.  My faith has been questioned.  My life, as it exists now, and the choices I had to make to get here have been criticized. To be honest, my foundation was shaken.  I thought I was truly ready to face my detractors, but I was wrong.

I have wrestled with what direction I should go after the pain that I felt.  I have spent hours trying to see through the fog, but all that time I was ignoring the voice inside.

Tonight while listening to music on K-LOVE a few songs, like Josh Wilson’s Fall Apart, Mercy Me’s The Hurt & the Healer and Jeremy Camp’s Walk by Faith, spoke volumes to me. My personal thoughts quieted and I finally paid attention to what God had been trying to tell me all week.

“Go back!”  But  . . . I don’t want to God!

“Go back!”  I can’t.

“Yes you can.”  But God, the hurt is too deep.

“Go back!”  How am I suppose to face them?

“We have changed hearts there already.  Trust me.”  But . . .

“No Buts.  If you profess to walk by faith, then you must Go Back.”

 

I don't know why God wants me to go back.  I don't know how I will be able to focus on Him.  I know I will face the same issues and hurt again and again.  But The Holy Spirit has spoken.

So as this child of God is slowly learning, sometimes facing life, even with all the hurt we have felt, is not about strength. Sometimes dealing with the obstacles and mountains we have to climb is not about courage.

Sometimes, it’s all about being obedient.

 

If you would like to follow me, you can find me on Facebook at Trans Girl at the Cross and at Twitter @Megganrenee

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    Meggan Sommerville

    Meggan Sommerville is a Christian transgender woman with a heart for educating others about the transgender community and her faith in her Savior, Jesus Christ. Her career life has taken her on a variety of adventures, from being a veterinary technician in the Western burbs of Chicago to being an EMT/Paramedic, EMS instructor, and a paid on call firefighter for Bolingbrook , Illinois. Since 1998, she has been the frame shop manager for a national craft retailer. You can contact Meggan via email at Transgirlatcross@aol.com or find her on Facebook at Trans Girl at the Cross

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