Once a year, on a Sunday in May, we stop what we are doing and take one day (though most would agree one day is not enough) to celebrate our moms. Mother’s day is when we moms want to be pampered and, for our day in and day out, year round hard work, to be recognized by our children and our families. But for many women like me, transgender women, this day isn’t the happy and fun day that is so often experienced across this country.
This month is filled with retail sales, products, and brunch specials all geared to pamper the mom in your life. You walk into any grocery store and you are bombarded with bucks of fresh cut flowers, sweets and boxes of chocolates all targeting those kids and fathers for that last minute gift for mom. Not a day has gone by this past week that I don’t hear a commercial on the radio or open my mailbox and see a reminder of something as a mom, I don’t get to experience.
In 2010, a lot of things changed in my life. I went from male to female. I went from Mark to Meggan. I went from son to daughter. But one thing still has not changed. There is one thing that makes this time of year extremely difficult to deal with. My kids, as much as they have had to overcome and have moved forward, still do one thing that only they can change. They still call me . . . dad.
We have had our talks. I have told them that I am in no way trying to take the place of my ex-wife as their mom and alot of kids have two moms. The kids and I agree that the ‘dad’ title really isn’t appropriate anymore. We have tried to find something else, anything, they can call me other than that masculine title.
I understand that my kids have had a difficult time dealing with their dad disappearing and a women taking his place. They have done great changing over the pronouns from masculine to feminine, but this one title and the parental role they see that I have in their life still hasn’t changed.
I have done all I can to ease their transition in the last three years. As any good parent, I try my best to equip my children with what they need to face changes in their life, conquer obstacles and face life with strength and determination. Right now, whatever the wall is that keeps them from seeing me as one of their ‘moms’ is just too high for them to get over. In this strange world they have been thrown into, ‘dad’ is that anchor to the past.
I have actually had people say, “Why don’t you just keep celebrating Father’s Day?”
My response to that is Father’s Day is a masculine driven day for MEN! Have you looked at me lately? Do you know me, even one bit about me? I’m a woman NOT a man.
Since I have never felt like a man, Father’s day for all those years was something that haunted me. I smiled and truly enjoyed what ever gifts my children got me. Bar-b-que tools aren’t just for men you know. But inside, my heart sank each time anything masculine was ever attributed to me.
I didn’t have to physically give birth to my children to be their mom. Every mom of an adopted child knows that. Being a mom is the heart you show everyday. Being a mom is taking every ounce of love in your soul and spreading it over your kids. It’s cuddling them when they are sick or tired. It’s sending prayers ahead of them, to places they haven’t even imagined yet.
As difficult as it is, I can do nothing more but to continue to be patient, caught between two special days for parents.
I try my best, but yet every time someone wishes me a Happy Mother’s Day, my heart aches. This Sunday will not be a happy one for me. I long for the only two people in this world I want to hear that greeting from. I long for the day, as a family, we no longer are hung up on the old gender titles and embrace who I really am.
Want More? Receive updates right in your email box. It’s free and will never be used for spam. I don’t roll that way.
Type your email address in the box and click the "create subscription" button. You can opt out at any time.