Fibromyalgia Sucks; When your mind and body betray you

I have two words for you – Fibromyalgia SUCKS- in every definition of the word.  For those individuals like me that suffer from a not so mild case of this enigma of a disorder, Fibromyalgia takes over your body and even sends your brain on side trips way out of your control.  Pain, fatigue, loss of memory, communication difficulties, all plague what you use to think was a normal existence.  Even a good nights worth of sleep is a distant memory.

Lately I have seen several posts around the web about people hating their bodies for one reason or another.  Do I have bad teeth – yes!  Was I born with the wrong anatomy – I think we have covered that one! Do I have small boobs – please, Please don’t remind me.  But for me, it’s the battle within that I struggle with the most these days.  Fibromyalgia is a bitch!  I face it every day but never in a million years will I ever get use to the randomness of it or how my life has changed.

One minute you're feeling fine, standing in line at a book signing and ready to conquer the world, or maybe just your tiny piece of it, then BAM! Pain hits you out of nowhere that stops you in your tracks (embarrassing in front a dozens of strangers).

Or while having a normal conversation, your brain stops working and you are unable to communicate your next thought (really professional when you work in customer service).

Or it takes you a few days instead of a few hours just to write 600 words for a blog post.

Or you’re taking an easy walk along the river with your kids and suddenly a wave of fatigue washes over you as if you just finished running up twenty flights of stairs (not how I want my kids to see their 40 something mom).

Or as you stand in the check out line crying because you are unable to push in your pin number because you don’t remember how. Not because you don’t remember the number, the number is right there in your head, but it’s because out of nowhere you forget how to use the blooming keypad.

Can we say "frustrating" boys and girls? 

For the last year or so I have dealt with it and hypothyroidism, a double whammy when it comes to trying to feel normal. My life . . . . it’s changed  . . . . .for good.  I started using a cane several months ago to help me walk when the pain and weakness get too bad.  I’ve given up things, such as caffeine (just kill me now) and the artificial sweetener aspartame (gained nearly 8 pound for my trouble), in my life just to try to cope and reduce the symptoms.  But unfortunately that only goes so far.  Other areas of my life have been affected as well.

I’m one that use to hike for miles and bike up and down the Fox River on a regular basis. But now exercise and physical exertion, though feels good at the time, stresses my body out to the point of making the symptoms worse in the long run. Just this calendar year alone, I have used more sick time than I have in the past 8 years combined.

When it comes to treatment for Fibromyalgia, it is one of the most difficult things to dial in on.  As the symptoms of Fibromyalgia are so varied among those who suffer from it, so is the treatment.  What works for one person has no affect on another.

Other complications can also interfere with the treatment. The medication I was initially prescribed, Cymbalta, unfortunately was what put me in the hospital back in January.  Now I must deal with a cardiac issue before any treatment for the fibro can continue.

I don’t share all this to gain your pity or sympathy.  I do it to put a face on disease or disorder that needs to be talked about more.  I'm sure that you know at least one person who suffers from this, but when was the last time you heard of someone raising money to fund research for it?  NEVER!  No one knows what causes this disorder and no one will until funding is directed to search for a cause.  Only then will we ever get a handle on a disorder that steals your life.

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you can find me on Facebook at Trans Girl at the Cross and at Twitter @Megganrenee

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    Meggan Sommerville

    Meggan Sommerville is a Christian transgender woman with a heart for educating others about the transgender community and her faith in her Savior, Jesus Christ. Her career life has taken her on a variety of adventures, from being a veterinary technician in the Western burbs of Chicago to being an EMT/Paramedic, EMS instructor, and a paid on call firefighter for Bolingbrook , Illinois. Since 1998, she has been the frame shop manager for a national craft retailer. You can contact Meggan via email at Meg.Sommerville@aol.com or find her on Facebook at Trans Girl at the Cross

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