Just as good parents do, transgender parents go through a lot of agonizing when it comes to our kids. But for us, we have a even greater load on our shoulders. Children of transgender parents are not immune to the same feelings and will have the same reactions as anyone else to the news of a parent’s transition but, depending on how young they are, they may have a more difficult time processing everything involved with the transition. As I have written before, the transition is not only for the transgender individual. It causes ripples that radiate out affecting the spouse, the parents, co-workers, friends and the kids. Those ripples can sometimes cause major waves in the lives of those you love.
With the kids, they are now faced with a boatload of questions.
“What do I call you?”
“How do I explain you to my friends?”
“Are my friends going to make fun of you?”
“Are my friends going to make fun of ME?”
These are all questions that have come up in my family. Some we haven’t answered yet. Unknown to me, my ex and even my daughter, that last question unfortunately has reared its ugly head and we have seen the pain that other kids can inflict. My daughter of 17 has had it relatively easy, or so she says, and her friends have not made an issue out of her dad now living as a woman. My 11 year old son on the other hand has not been so fortunate. In a recent conversation, my son broke down in tears and confessed that other kids have teased him and said some pretty horrible things. As a parent, I was crushed that my child was hurting. I was angry at the kids that hurt my child. I flashed back to the pain I felt growing up when I was teased and bullied. I was hurting that I caused this.
All that aside, my love for him knew the important part was I was there for him and needed to show him that no matter what, I love him and we would work together to solve this.
Right now, I am at a loss! I’m at a loss to know how to help him. I am at a loss on how to resolve the situation with his friends. It’s a frustrating position to be in as a parent. I am in pain for him. When one person hurts in this family – everyone hurts.
With that said, I am asking for your help. My son has expressed that he would like to talk to other kids in the same situation. We want to hear from other kids of transgender parents, regardless of your age. I don’t know how far this blog will reach, but I pray that there are enough people out there willing to help. If you know of any children willing to share their story, you can reach us at Transgirlatcross@aol.com - please put in the subject line “a letter to your son”.
From one hurting parent - Thank you in advance!
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