Parking your derrière (it's elegant if I say it in French) on a beach is good for the soul. I don't care what anyone says. Sunsets over the water with an ice cold beverage in hand, not a care in the world...Calgon take me away. No seriously...take me away. For those of us that are foolish enough to live with our roots firmly planted in the Midwest, this is for you. To those of you reading this as you sip your morning coffee on the balcony of your Malibu beach house, have room for 5?
10 Signs that you might be in desperate need of a vacation:
1. You have taught your children the art of sitting behind a fan, with a spray bottle full of salt water- as you lay on the opposing side, being gently misted, and pretending you are on the beaches of Bora Bora.
2. You play a reggae Pandora station and yell "hey mon" to the people that walk their dogs past your house.
3. You ponder buying your kids a sand box, just to sit with your feet in actual sand, and watch them joyously build sand castles. Until you remember that it will become a giant litter box for raccoons and recall how annoying it is to scrub sand out of kid's hair.
4. You consider letting your husband be seen in his favorite Hawaiian shirt...in public....in Chicago.
5. The only tan lines on your body are from your flip flops-just taunting you with the proof that you haven't been barefoot on the beach...in eons.
6. You drink your Corona, while wearing a sombrero, making your kids chug milk through their sippies, as you shake their heads around, and blow a whistle in their face.
7. You contemplate camping as a nice little getaway. Mosquitoes are cute. Spiders make good pets. Ticks just get a bad rap. Oh wait, nope.
8. Kayak commercials slowly morph from disturbing to identifiable.
9. You make the drive to O'Hare, just to see if you remember how to get there.
10. You find yourself in a Target dressing room, attempting to buy a bathing suit. Until one of your precious cherubs smacks your ass and tells you that your butt is "made of jello". Meh, there's always next year.
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