Archive for October 2013

You Scratch My Back and I'll Scratch Yours

Tonight, I was challenged to think of a time I’ve helped someone or a time that I’ve been helped. It’s taken me at least 8 minutes to think of where to go with this challenge. Am I really that much of an asshole? Have I honestly never helped anyone in a memorable way? Has no one bent... Read more »

An open letter to my third child

There are all these scientific studies about birth order and how it can affect the type of person you will become.  Based on anything I’ve ever read it’s pretty safe to assume no matter what your position is within the family, your parents are bound to screw you up. If you are the oldest, you... Read more »

Sex Life Defibrillator

Does anyone REALLY think the words sexy and mother go together? I mean obviously I know some of you perverts are thinking “dude, I totally love MILFs” which isn’t, at all, what I’m referring to. I just think it’s pretty difficult to feel like a need -fulfilling sex goddess, once you’ve added “mom” to your... Read more »

A Note To My Pregnant Self

The decision to start a family is, hands down, the most your life will ever transform. I know you think you’ve already survived some major changes but parenting by far, will rock your world more than you can even imagine. Of course, I’m painfully aware how cliché these first few sentences are, but there really is... Read more »

10 Reasons I wish I was Michelle Duggar

A few weeks ago, the internet was blowing up about The Duggar‘s trying for pregnancy number 20. Clearly, I’m not one to pass judgment on an, oops kid here or an or an oops kid there, but to actually TRY for your 20th child? That’s just ludicrous.  While this woman might be crazier than a shithouse... Read more »

Rage Against the Sugar Cleanse

Jan 1, 2013, started out just like every other January 1st, which meant I woke up (probably hung over) and thought “this is IT, I’m going lose weight if it kills me”. Yeah yeah yeah…if I had a dollar for every time I’ve said that over the years, this post would be brought to you from my yacht in St.... Read more »

Pinch Me.

We all have had these moments in life where we think “is this for real?” Sometimes it’s a romantic moment like when the man you love drops a knee,  hands you a ring, and pledges to love you for life (or some shit, but who could hear what he’s saying when you’re busy scoping out your new diamond?). Or maybe it is a surreal moment,... Read more »