It seems appropriate that on this Happy Hump Day in Fall, 2013, that I should address a few things I know a little about: Oak Park native Betty White and Humping.
In an ironic coincidence, it's Mental Health Awareness Week. And Miley Cyrus has struck again. She could learn some things by listening to her elders (not something that 20-year-olds do.)
What a twerk she is, that Ms. Cyrus!
In an interview with Matt Lauer on "Today" (and why Savannah Guthrie didn't do this interview, I'll never know), he asked the young vixen if twerking with married "old" man Robin Thicke on the VMAs, and sexy clothes were just a phase to make people forget "Hannah Montana."
He also asked, “Is this something that’s going to be here for a while and then you move onto something else?” he asked.
“I heard when you turn 40, things start to get a little less sexual,” she answered. “So [I’ll stop] probably around 40. I heard that’s when people don’t have sex anymore."
Who would have told you that? Your dad, Billy Ray, or your Mom, Tish? That may have been their experience after five children, but it hasn't been mine, so far. Or my parents, for that matter. As my mother said, "We were on a 57-year date. After your father retired, we had a 24-hour date for the next 19 years."
The things you say, Miley Cyrus, are truly naive. You're 20 years old, and you probably are somewhere north of experiencing "hot" love/infatuation/desire. Ex-fiance Liam Hemsworth was probably a very hot fiance, but as you might say, "hey, people, get over it!"
Listen to your elder, Betty White.
WDBWS.....What does Betty White say about Humping after age 40....80...90? The now-91-year-old said in 2010:
"I don't have a fella, but if Allen (Ludden, her late husband)--or Robert Redford--were around, we'd have a very active sex life. Does desire melt away with age? I'm waiting for that day to come."
See...she wants IT....at 90! Try finding it. A well-known Oak Park business owner, whom I was interviewing for a story in the Pioneer Press two decades ago, told me when he was 95, that he "hadn't had sex in five years." That would make him 90 at his last outing. I didn't put it in the story. Didn't think that would help him sell flowers.
I'm not a therapist, just someone who's had the privilege of several relationships and 40 years on earth. And there ARE certain things that come with age...among them:
1) Confidence...There is nothing sexier than someone with confidence. Someone who is comfortable with themselves, their life and their choices. At 40, generally, you know who you are. You've been through a few experiences, and know what you like. Embrace the experiences and love...thoroughly... the one you're with.
2) Independence...Most individuals are pretty independent at 40. Financially, there's usually not a reason to depend on another person. Emotional crutches are a thing of the past. So that leaves a person available for a mature relationship/partnership that is based on appreciating each other's strengths and supporting each other in times of weakness.
3) Experience...From piano lessons to team sports, we're told "Practice makes perfect." By the time you're 40, you've usually had a lot of experience...a few partners...or one partner for a whole lot of years. You know what you're doing. You know what a good moan sounds like. While everyone has shades of Christian Grey in their lives, the variety of experiences only benefit you to know how happy you can make someone.
4) Body Image Revisited.... Second only to finding out who you are, you have to like and accept yourself and every curve (or straight line, or wrinkle, or sag). As Dr. Seuss said, “Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.” (Dr. Seuss, Happy Birthday to You!)
If you love and embrace your body image for what it is, you will find a person who loves it just as much as you do. Not all men (or women) are out for the model, or the centerfold. Trust me. I will be at my curviest ever, and feeling not so great about my body, when my partner looks at me and says "I got me a hottie!" Makes me smile!
5) Sex helps you live longer (and makes those added days worthwhile). I borrowed this one from the AARP. According to AARP, as we age and understand our bodies better, we also understand the many health benefits of sex. Sex helps the immune system, may lead to healthier prostates and certainly contributes to healthy hearts. It burns calories and lowers blood pressure. What’s not to like?
And they should know. The Baby Boomers started the sexual revolution and never looked back. They put the first books in America to include real sex on the bestseller lists; now everyone can enjoy as many shades of grey as they want.
They also brought sex out of the bedroom and put it on public view, beginning in 1967 with the musical Hair and then into mainstream moviedom in 1969 with Bob & Carol & Ted & Alice. And this 1970 anthem by Stephen Stills celebrated our new freedom: “If you can’t be with the one you love, love the one you’re with.”
So Miley, you, Matt Lauer, and all those who love sex, I leave you with another gem from Dr. Seuss:
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