Dressed to the nines, and sans boyfriend Tiger Woods, American ski champion Lindsey Vonn was having the time of her life at the Council of Fashion Designers of America (CFDA) Awards, the "Oscars" of the fashion world, in New York City last Monday, when, according to the Huffington Post, she was called out of the awards ceremony to pee in a cup.
A "random drug test."' Indeed.
If she didn't comply, she could have forfeited her US Olympic team chances. Less than a year away from the 2014 Winter Olympics in Sochi, Russia, America's best hope for skiing gold couldn't let her country down.
So she took her dress down instead....
Her companion for the night, designer Cynthia Rowley, must have been schmutzing in her pants. After all, the dress was her creation.
Imagine this: You're in a dress 10 feet long, with the designer who created the dress specifically for you and worth many thousands of dollars. You have to hike it up to pee, with someone standing nearby to make sure you're doing it properly and cleanly. Then, you have to figure out the best way to transfer the specimen without getting your fingers, Harry Winston diamonds, or Jimmy Choos embarassingly wet.
All the better to find out if our athletes are clean.
If Vonn could be called out like that, in the middle of a very high-profile social appearance, I'd like the same thing to happen in baseball. Or any other sport. To a MALE athlete.
As an example:
I would love to see the Milwaukee Brewers' Ryan Braun, taking his last warmup swing, only to have the US Anti-Doping Agency call a timeout, and delay the game for a urine specimen.
After all, Braun nearly lost his National League (NL) Most Valuable Player award in 2011 for a disputed testosterone test that he failed in 2011. He has also been linked to the Biogenesis of America clinic that allegedly provided performance-enhancing drugs to professional baseball players.
Conducting the test would have been easy. Braun would only have to unzip, whip his "Hebrew Hammer" out, do his business, and finish his at-bat.
Play would resume only after the test was negative for drugs. How long does that take?
After all, Vonn was immediately pronounced clean as a whistle.
The spectacular Miller Park scoreboard could light up. "HE'S CLEAN!" Maybe Bernie Brewer could do a little dance. Or take a home run slide into the beer.
Don't get me wrong. I am all for athletes being tested, and often.
But has anyone else been called out of a charitable event, in the middle of a party where millions of dollars are raised, to do the business? I've never heard of such a thing.
Annie Skinner of the U.S. Anti-Doping Agency reached out to The Huffington Post with an official statement on Vonn's test:
“Lindsey Vonn has participated in the USADA out-of-competition testing pool for more than 12 years. As part of her participation, she provided USADA with her location information indicating she would be in New York and we performed a test collection on her there. We appreciate her professionalism and for accommodating this process, which at times can be inconvenient. Her sample was collected in accordance with the standard protocols and will be processed by a WADA-accredited laboratory. This real-life example demonstrates the commitment of our elite Olympic athletes and the accommodations they make for the inconvenience of drug testing, in order to ensure the ideals of clean sport are upheld.”
The timing of this test was wrong. Who's with me?
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