As with most singles my age, I have dabbled in online dating. It can often be a frustrating process that can be disheartening if you aren't getting the results you want. I found Mario from Get Game Group on Twitter and he is a dating coach with expertise in online dating. He helped me to revamp my dating profile and I found him to be honest and extremely knowledgeable. I interviewed him about online dating advice and I wanted to share his expertise with all of you. Please note that he can be very blunt and forthright but he is speaking from a place of truth and I feel that he really wants to help others find meaningful relationships.
How did you get into the profession of being a dating coach?
Mario: Not on purpose!
I began in the field of education. I had intentions of becoming a district superintendent and had quickly climbed the administrative ranks with all the degrees I would ever need. But...shit happens. Budget cuts. Bad timing, and instead of accepting the crap hand I was dealt...I walked away, vowing to never again not be in control of my own fate. Sure, I loved education, but I also believed that I was multi-talented, and had options.
(Something people should know about me, as part of my character, I embrace threats and loss pretty well and remove their power. But yes, it’s still scary as hell at times to live this way.)
I moved cities, began a successful diet and training coaching business (another part of my background), and was doing well. Simultaneously, I renewed a focus of self-development. I’ve always embraced wanting to understand the “why’s” of Life, and after ending a marriage to my high school sweetheart, I was filled with an even greater desire to know more answers to the “why’s” about men, women, dating, relationships, and life.
(You’re wondering, I know, about my marriage. I married a fantastic woman, and we were great for each other...but grew into different adults than the young adults who had married. Divorce was tough, especially when the two of you still think the world of each other.)
Along my journey in the new city of Dallas, I saw a message from a pretty girl I had not accepted a Facebook friendship request from, and had just left unanswered for months. Her message spoke my language.
“Hey asshole, accept my friend request. It’s in your best interest.” Well of course I immediately did, and within minutes, we had identified out that we connected at a deep level. Not romantically, but intellectually.
You know how there are some points in your life that you can identify that took you down a new path, right? This was one of those moments.
She was a female pickup artist and is still the smartest person I’ve ever encountered. She’s now one of my best friends, and when she identified my intelligence and personality type...it was a game changer. She helped me understand how my mind worked, and my gift for social awareness. She was like me, but beyond me with her social awareness/understanding. She was the first person I’d ever met who could also “see” my intelligence, and it wasn’t long before we were talking shop about social dynamics. In our conversations, she was exposing and expanding my mind to “Game,” something I had been employing, but wasn’t exactly conscious as to how calculated my mind operated socially...compared to others.
You see, I didn’t ever understand how other people couldn’t see what I saw until she identified my personality type, which is very rare, and predisposed to a greater understanding of social dynamics.
I enthusiastically picked her brain and absorbed all the information she had to offer. We began as friends, with her as my “Game” mentor. Almost instantly, she identified me as her best student, grasping everything she threw at me, and at a pace she had never seen before in a student. It wasn’t long before I evolved into her peer. Together, we conducted social experiments, discussed men, women, “Game,” and both helped each other become further advanced in our understanding of Game.
Others soon began taking notice of my social awareness, and behind the scenes, I began coaching students. I did this for years while I conducted my diet and training coaching, which I knew was both unfulfilling because I wasn’t using all my talents, and also because the transformations I was a part of were too superficial. I knew changing the outside was nothing compared to the impact of changing someone from the inside.
It took me years before I made the jump, though. At my core, I have this value of integrity, and I felt that if I was going to be a responsible for impacting people’s lives, relationships, and happiness...I better damn well be rock solid in my methods. I don’t take it lightly and am highly critical of those whom I feel make the jump before they’re ready.
Finally, in 2015 I felt I was ready, and went public. It was actually a big step personally because publicly becoming a dating coach and establishing Get Game Group...well it puts you up for a lot of scrutiny not just from the public, but from friends and family!
Since then, I’ve only continued to work to improve my knowledge and refine my methods, and have worked to expand my reach. But, I love the “work.” My continuing education is something I thoroughly enjoy, and the way I’m impacting lives is taking advantage of my gifts.
Do you think the trends in dating apps help or hurt dating in general?
Mario: I love the trend of Online Dating, which is basically what you’re asking! It offers both men and women the opportunity to take even more control of their dating lives, future, and happiness in life. Is there some skill involved? Sure. Are we all enduring some growing pains as the guinea pigs of this new online dating experience? Absolutely!
The biggest thing I feel hurting the dating world isn’t Online Dating or the “short-attention-span” culture...it’s a lack of preparedness.
To be blunt, most men and women are lost when it comes to dating. They stumble their way through it, and often just settle for the best they think they can get. Well, they’re stumbling their way through Online Dating now too, but complaining won’t get them better results. You have to find ways to get better. Online Dating obviously isn’t going anywhere, so we can’t hope and expect for our dating competition to dumb themselves down...we have to get better.
I like to simplify the objective of Online Dating as “just a way to MEET new people you’re interested in.” All it really does is help you connect with someone. But once you meet in person, the rules of traditional “in-person” dating take over. So Online Dating isn’t actually dating, it’s more about “online connecting.”
Is having access to more people to connect a bad thing?? I say “No way.” I just believe the population is currently ill-prepared, and that’s what I attempt to resolve in my efforts and teachings with Get Game Group. I want people to have not just the tools for success, but the knowledge of how to use those tools (“Game”).
Do you have any tips on how to be successful in navigating the online dating world?
Mario: Sure, one the most basic mistakes men and women both make is...a lack of perspective. Men don’t think about what women want to see or see represented, and vice versa.
Ladies, stop writing essays as the written content of your profile. That amazing essay you wrote about all your preferences and dislikes? Yeah, men won’t really appreciate it. But show it to your girlfriends and they’ll give you a high five. See the problem?
Guys, please understand women are communicators! It’s hard to be attractive and sexy with poor spelling, grammar, and a limited supply of adjectives! YouTube is filled with tons of mini-lessons about grammar, and there are even apps that correct spelling. If you want to become a better writer and communicator, reading is probably the most painless way to improve your communication and writing skills. (I wish we could tell our boys in middle school how much embracing reading and writing will improve the happiness of their future dating lives!)
To expand on the last question: Free sites vs. paid sites, which do you suggest to your clients?
Mario: It depends. I believe you can have the best tool (online dating platform), but in the hands of the unskilled, the tool is useless. Now if you do have the skills, you can be successful and find great people on any platform...and you don’t have to pay a damn thing! But yes, sometimes a paid site can offer an advantage.
Take for example the online daters over the age of 40. It’s not that any platform is “better” or has the secret formula for finding love, but you have to go to where your dating population is. The “Over 40” crowd seem to believe Match or Eharmony are where they should be. Why? Because it’s actually best? Nope. Because it’s a name they have actually heard of for a LONG time (and trust), and they associate paying with those who are “more serious.”
Is that necessarily true?? No. But what makes sense is to go to where the talent is.
Which sites are better for finding more serious partners?
Mario: If you’re under 40, you can find serious partners anywhere. Yes, even on Tinder. Don’t listen to the loudmouth complainers who say “It’s just for hookups.” So say the folks who have zero success!! The truth is, 84% of online daters in a 2017 survey answered that they are seeking romantic relationships. It just requires online dating knowledge and skills to present yourself effectively enough to attract and connect with the connections that you WANT to make.
Over 40? It’s not that I think pay sites or their algorithms work (I don’t think..scratch that, I know most people can’t self-assess honestly enough to make their algorithms accurate), but I’m into common sense, that says, “Go to the paid sites if you’re over 40 and you know many in the ‘Over 40’ crowd are there.”
What are some common mistakes that people make when online dating; either in their profiles or using the sites in general?
Mario: Both men and women underestimate the skill and awareness required for Online Dating. They think taking five minutes to create a profile is enough to achieve success. (Hint, it’s not!)
The comparison I like to use is preparing your resume for a job interview. If you have an important job you’re interviewing for, you damn sure better not spend just five minutes on your profile. And if you do, what will be your results?? Not good, right?
Well, your online dating profile is your “personal resume,” so you need to have an impeccable profile that best highlights you and what you’re about. And if you don’t know how to do that, you need to obtain assistance. Your happiness and the romantic, committed relationship most are seeking are on the line.
Both men and women also don’t realize how competitive it is. If you send a “hi” message, NO ONE IS THRILLED TO READ THAT. You won’t get many responses. And deservedly so. It offers zero value to the recipient and displays well...zero awareness and effort.
But I can’t really blame anyone. How can you know that you don’t know what you’re doing...when you’re basically the first real wave of online dating participants? Probably the best thing anyone can do with Online Dating is come into it with a positive mindset of exploring. Notice I didn’t say “expectation.” It can be easy for some, but if it’s not easy and successful for you, maybe you need to “explore” getting some help! As I like to say, “Up your Online Dating Game!”
What is your relationship status?
Mario: My current relationship status is “single.” Now some of you smartypants cynics are thinking, “Oh, how about that Mr. Expert!! You’re coaching about dating and relationships, and you’re single??”
Yup! I am happily single. But...I may or may not be focusing my time with someone in particular.
The thing is, I know where I’m at, and I don’t need a relationship to be happy and fulfilled. It’s not my number one priority right now. Developing Get Game Group is, and it requires a lot of time and effort. I do also remind people that “Being single doesn’t mean I don’t have options.” ;)
You should also know I have different views, period. I question the institution of marriage, monogamy, materialism, organized religion, and well...just know I don’t think “mainstream.” So many people, when you ask them why they want to get married, and the best they can come up with is, “To have someone to spend my life with,” or “So I have someone to take care of me when I die.” That is so far from how my mind is motivated for my life.
One thing I am disgusted by, and that I refuse to take part in, is revealing my private life and whatever I have going on to prove myself. I know some dating coaches document their exploits and share them on social media, but I’ve always found that behavior childish, disrespectful towards women, and a weak display of a need for approval.
I’m quite happy with how I live my life, the relationship or relationships I have, and have ALWAYS been private regarding my relationships. Women are already intimidated by my profession, seeing my past revealed on the Internet isn’t going to go well for the type of women I would go for now and in the future. Makes some sense, right?
Perhaps it might satisfy some people’s curiosities if I posted all my encounters and relationships publicly, but that’s not me. There’s a reason you will never see me showing anything publicly, especially “undercover footage,” of my life. I see those “undercover” videos as exploiting others for personal benefit, and I don’t want to be like those I don’t respect.
How much do you charge for your services?
Mario: It varies. My services for coaching range from $49 to $149 depending on time and whether it’s a phone call, video call, or in person.
When I think of my coaching, I often consider it similar to those who invest in counseling or therapy. It makes you better for yourself, and for others. I do believe the most basic human desire is for relationships, which I offer people a path towards achieving through my coaching.
What is one thing that someone can do now to increase their chances of getting more matches on a dating site/app if they are feeling discouraged?
Mario: It’s funny, in real life we don’t discount people as easily as we do online. When we get online, we think, “I don’t like their eyebrows. NEXT.” Or, “I don’t like that ONE THING they said. NEXT.” In real life, we wouldn’t do that to someone introducing themselves. We would probably give them more of a chance.
I like to remind my clients that there are many others like them who are amazing people if you get to know them, yet (like they used to be), don’t know how to present themselves well with pictures or always say the right thing online. When I put it that way, I find my clients have an “a-ha” moment and are more relaxed and give more men/women a chance.
What do you think of popular dating coaches/relationship "experts" like Matthew Hussey and Siggy Flicker?
I’m a fan of Matthew Hussey. He’s someone I can identify with because I can recognize he also has a natural level of skill in social awareness, and he’s worked on his craft to become even better.
I am, however, somewhat disappointed in some of his views regarding sex, relationships, and Online Dating. His personal positions seem to be a little more “vanilla” and traditional than might be expected. In regards to Online Dating, his stance is almost oppositional, but I would predict that you will find that his position will be modified in the future.
I’m unfamiliar with Siggy Flicker, other than knowing she was on a Real Housewives show.
How would you describe your role as a dating coach/relationship expert?
First, I prefer “coach.” I guide. I teach. I even care similar to that asshole friend who will tell you what you need to hear, and not what you want to hear. I think my role is simple. Like any coach, I have advanced knowledge and skill in a particular area. I could die with this inside me, or I can pass it on and make someone else’s life better. What I do is help people learn the knowledge that will impact their dating success, and I help them learn it much faster, and with fewer bumps and bruises that go along with trying to learn everything on your own (the hard way).
Do you offer matchmaking services?
Mario: I do not, but funny you ask that. I’m currently considering partnering with a matchmaking service as a resource for their clients who still need to develop greater dating skills.
What makes you different from other dating coaches?
Well, I have a secret weapon. I have a rare personality intelligence type. I can’t really take any credit for it. I probably got it from my father who is a genius with...a PhD in Sociology. Go figure!
I’m also aware that many dating coaches come from a place of less success with attraction, dating, and relationships that spurs their interest and entrance into the field. I’ve definitely had my failures, breakups, and even a divorce, but my life experience romantically is probably the envy of many other coaches who’ve endured much more pain and failure.
Being mentored by a female has also been a game-changer. In the dating game, a lot of the success comes down to your ability to understand the perspective of others. Sure, I learned more of the female perspective, but my mentor importantly taught me how to think with a much more open mind to possible actions and outcomes.
Anything else you think my readers should know about online dating?
Yes. One revelation I’ve had with Online Dating (and this applies to damn near anything), is that if you were to ask someone to rate their satisfaction with Online Dating on a scale of 1-10...whatever rating they offer is likely to reveal their level of competency!
(Satisfaction = Competency)
Think about this every time you hear someone bitch, moan, and complain about Online Dating. I would wager and win big if I could bet that they are revealing the level of their competency. And if you know someone who is crushing it at Online Dating, chances are their satisfaction level reflects their competency!
Something to think about, and why I think everyone should constantly work at improving themselves.
Thank you for the opportunity to share, I’ve enjoyed sharing my story and some nuggets of knowledge I hope your readers can benefit from.
If you enjoyed this interview, please check out Mario's site Get Game Group and his social media channels!
Instagram: @getgamegroup , @onlinedatingdynamics
Twitter: @getgamegroup , @oddynamics
Facebook Get Game Group Page: www.facebook.com/getgamegroup
Get Game Group YouTube Channel: www.youtube.com/
DRSD Group (Dating, Relationships, Self-Development): www.facebook.com/groups/
Online Dating Dynamics: www.facebook.com/
Filed under: Dating