While stopping in to the drugstore yesterday to pick up a few items for an 4th of July picnic my friends throw every year, I was genuinely put out by the Walgreens clerk who told me with exasperation, “of course we don’t have American flag bandanas.”
Never have I been quicker to sound exactly like my grandfather, who passed away late last year. “Why is it so insane that I would ask to buy one? Are you aware that tomorrow is the 4th of July? I don’t think it's so crazy that I would want something with a flag on it.” I could feel myself getting more and more irrationally irritated. All I wanted was a bandana to wear semi-ironically to the picnic the next day. Was that too much to ask?
Luckily, a cranky old man next to me in line joined me in my noble fight. “I don’t know what it says about this country that we can use three aisles for St. Patrick’s Day decorations but I can’t find anything with an American flag on it to save my life.”
I blinked slowly and walked away. I'm a Chicagoan first, and I can't bring myself to trash talk this city's most beloved holiday just to make a point.
About the author: Kris McDermott, the pale woman pictured above, is a red-blooded American who lives in Hyde Park, works in digital marketing and buys sunscreen in bulk. Follow her exploits on Twitter at @krismcdermott.