In the past year and change since I've been single again, there's one relationship that I have been throwing my heart and soul in to get right: the one I have with myself.
It seems silly and obvious, but in the last few years, I'll admit that I have been a little sloppy with it. I think I spent so much time invested in someone else (without being in a lifetime partnership) that I put myself second. And, that's not horrible, as long as you don't totally slip.
But when I think about the year since, I realize that I really let too much fall by the wayside. Now that I'm back in the mix, some things that have been amazing to rediscover or do:
- My many, many interests... Or discovering new ones: I hate to admit this, but I got to the point that all my free time was spent at home or out with Sav. Along the way, I spent less time focusing on my hobbies...I didn't abandon them, but I certainly wasn't up on them. Towards the end, I discovered yoga and then running, and have realized how much fun I have doing them. Staying active cleared my mind, kept me fit and my commitment to it meant that I felt amazing about myself in a new pair of jeans! What a confidence boost! These are all wins in my book.
- The fun of working on yourself: I have LOVED the ability to tinker with my look. Try a new hairstyle, experiment with new clothes... New look meant a new start, in a way. And that was a great thing.
- My friends ROCK: I've so missed my girls. The ability to take long brunches with friends without guilt was sorely missed... Now, this shouldn't be a problem, but I missed more and more of these over the years... Especially when I needed to vent about home!
- The world's pretty big: Just the thought of other options has been overwhelming... But there are many, many of them out there. Even casually exploring dating sites or meeting new people has been eye-opening. It's almost like I'd forgotten how big the world was. And I'm being reminded every day. I'm not really ready to do anything about that. But just being reminded about the possibilities is a start!
- I miss the quiet self-reflection: It's been a long while since I've had time to think about my thoughts and feelings. I actually relish the time alone. It lets me enjoy all of the above, but above all, it's just nice to take the time... I realize that time's evolved. And so have I. Which I'm totally good with, too.
All in all, this new phase of the journey has been a treat. Although it was painful, it feels better everyday. Now, just hoping it makes me that much better as I head a little further down the road.