In Dating, Credentials Shouldn't Overshadow the Red Flags

mid section view of a man holding his resume

When I first moved to Chicago and started dating as a "grown up," I was admittedly looking for a "total package" guy. And yes, I'll admit included what I thought were desirable traits would largely be ones that look good on paper and were based on what many people can find on a resume: schools, jobs, activities and things like that.

Now, it took all of two seconds for that perception to change. But a recent conversation with Marisol made me realize that many times, more than "credentials" give you clear signs about what would make a person a quality mate...
So here's what got me thinking: Marisol just started dating an adorable man in uniform -- nothing major, yet. And, she mentioned that he's got a very "smart ass" attitude she thought could get a bit annoying.

Me: Do you mind that?

Her: He's a gentleman, opens car doors, etc. Really smart, he got into an Ivy but decided he didn't want to leave Chicago. Got a full ride but went elsewhere and majored pre-med.

Me: What happened?

Her: He dropped out, didn't like school and went into what he does now. He says he has no regrets 'cause he loves his job and that's good... But may be a turnoff since he seemed to get lazy and not pursue what he was interested in. And I wonder if he'll be lazy in a relationship... But he's cool enough to date and see what happens.

Now, thinking about all this, I couldn't help but wonder about the allowances I've made in dating and the times I ignored the flags because of a a potential mate's "stats". For example, I was once seeing someone, Brad, who seemed like the full package: affluent family, top notch undergrad and grad schools, funny... But, well.. He was just extremely unmotivated. And seemed perfectly content living off his parents, even with the ability to get a job (and having held several). And it nagged me a bit, but I was blinded by all the other stuff.

Then, I think of more recent exes like Jason (who was a commitment-phobe) or Charles (who was in love with his ex)... And basically realized that even if they DO look good on paper (Mr. Resume Man, I like to call 'em), flags are flags. So it's best to pay attention.

Main point?
Credentials can sometimes be good and sexy... But make note of the flags... They'll tell you even more than general "stats" could.

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