Although I am an active in the single and dating scene (and appreciate the value of having casual sex), I always value one thing about being in a committed relationship: knowing there was someone that I could be intimate with on a regular basis. That was one of the best things about my relationship with my ex, Charles, and something that I know I'm looking forward to again. Truthfully, I was always so giddy when I was getting it regularly... How could anyone NOT want that perk -- knowing someone that you're hot for and that's hot for you, too? And that you get to be that close all the time? Sounds pretty sweet to me.
So, when I came across a story from CNN about how sexually active teens are less at risk of scholastic troubles, I couldn't resist reading it to get more...
Basically, according to the story, it looks like this: teens in steady sexual relationships "may face less academic risk" -- which is similar experiences to virgins, apparently. (Without sex to distract them, that is)
From one angle, I thought about my own dating experiences in high school. When I had boyfriends, my head was often in the clouds as I thought about walks after school, passing notes in class, making out with them in the back of the school auditorium, or sitting with him at lunch.
But on the other hand, it's not such a far-fetched idea: if you have someone that you're committed to, you're less likely to be "looking for love" -- not to mention the fact that you have a built in support system.
That said, I started to think about my adulthood and realized that it wasn't all that different than being in a sexually monogamous relationship today. Essentially, it came down to a few points:
- Guaranteed Sex: Having had a couple of longer relationships (those ongoing situations), I found that one of the things I loved was knowing that hooking up on the weekends was pretty much guaranteed (unless it was an off night). Plus, random weekday nights were a lot more likely.
- Feeling Adventurous: A regular sex partner means continuity. So with that, I was a lot more comfortable trying new things, or surrendering a lot of my inhibitions and getting a little curious in the bedroom!
- Happy, happy and more happy: Having sex regularly meant I was in a much better mood. I mean, need one say any more?
- Confidence: Knowing someone was lovin' me at night (or first thing in the morning) made me feel super fierce in other aspects of my life. There was an extra pep in my step and I felt even more attractive and irresistible to the opposite sex. I embraced my sex appeal -- and it felt great!
Ultimately, having a sexually monogamous relationship does seem to have some upsides. Many of them, in fact. Sure, it's not always possible and there are definitely ups in not being tied to one person. However, when you're lucky enough to have it, it's definitely worth noting that there's a lot to smile about.
And, if there's a lag in sexual activity? Add the fire back*! No use letting your partner go to waste, all sex-less, now is there?
* For ideas on how to keep the fire burning, check out an article on Examiner.com, "Keep the fire burning by adding some spice to the bedroom," and let that help you with some ideas.