Embrace your sexy: Lessons from a pole dancing class

Woman in sexy pose

When it comes to dating, there's one thing that's true: confidence is sexy.

The truth is that the people that we're most drawn to have a quality about them we just happen to notice. It's that "IT factor", that element of being comfortable in their own skin, and able to catch your attention with their confidence. It's sex appeal.

I know that it took the end of my college years to really find my own sexy and post-college to embrace it. However, this weekend, after a little field trip to an intro pole dancing class at S Factor, I realized that there is always a little more room to find your own sexy on the inside and out...

I have to admit that signing up for a pole dancing class, I was unsure what to expect. In fact, I was pretty apprehensive. However, after hearing things about it, I figured I'd try it once. It would be fun, and at the very least, I'd learn a cool trick or two. 

So when it finally came up as a Groupon, I couldn't resist. And, not wanting to do it alone, I called on Marisol*, who was, as usual, game for a new experience. I was nervous, but also extremely curious.

On the night of the class, I entered a room with dimmed lights and a small group of women sitting on mats introducing themselves. After we'd all done so, the two instructors took us through a series of sensual stretches and exercises, designed to loosen us up and encourage us to embrace our curves and be comfortable with our bodies. Soon, I was bending in ways I hadn't before, challenging myself to step out of my usual comfort zone and really get in tune with the shape and frame of my body. While I'd always been comfortable and generally accepting of it, the class was doing something different to me. Set against some familiar and sexy music, I found myself caught up in every stroke and curve as I moved to the music. In short, I was stepping out of myself in a way I really hadn't before. And it rocked.

Soon we were each assigned to poles to learn a quick trick. While Marisol immediately got the hang of it, I found that my fear controlled me and I spent more time thinking about the technicals of the trick than enjoying the movement. While I finally caught on, I realized how much I was controlled by the fear -- that little part of me that wouldn't let go. And maybe I was holding back a little to keep from surrendering.

At the end of the class, the two instructors had us newbies sit down to show us what, with practice and time, you can accomplish. And, to a great rock song, these two women, physically different in every way, had embraced their sexy by showing us their moves, from wall dances to pole tricks that I thought could only be accomplished by someone who was doing it every night. But there they were, comfortable and natural. And I admired it.

Later that night, on my way home, I couldn't help but appreciate everything I'd seen. I was floored. True -- it would have been nice to climb poles and learn cool tricks. But, the truth was that it was the sexiness and confidence that they exuded that was most appealing. And, you had to know and trust in your sexy in order to really be sexy.

Basically, sexy isn't just being. It's feeling, knowing and embracing your sexuality. And it's that same quality that matters in attraction. When you're comfortable with every part of you, it's bound to radiate right onto the next person that's going to notice.

So, ladies -- AND gentlemen: try embracing your own sexy. I know that I'm always making a conscious effort to do so. Who knows what will happen when you unleash it?

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