Indecent Proposal: Insights from a married man's seduction attempt

Mid section view of a man holding his engagement ring

There is no doubt that most of us will meet and date some inappropriate types of people: the emotionally distant, the one still hoping to get back together with their ex, the overly clingy, the super-flaky, the work-obsessed... You get where I'm going. (Yes, the single scene is a mixed bowl, isn't it?)

Therefore, I'm sure it goes without saying that a single person getting involved with a someone that's married -- unless said individual is some type of open marriage -- is an especially bad idea. And, even if a person has some type of "arrangement," (or so they say) starting a relationship with someone that is already spending their lives with another is just wrong no matter how you slice it. Why commit if... Well, if you can't stay commited?

But, before I go off down that road, I'll lay it down like this: a wedding band is (generally) a pretty clear signal that someone is off the market. So, what happens when that unavailable person makes an attempt to seduce someone they're NOT married to?

That's exactly the kind of predicament that happened just a couple of nights ago...

See, I opted to keep the night going with Marisol, Tasha and Marisol's sister Suzy after swinging by the ChicagoNow tweetup and grabbing a couple of quick bites. Soon, we'd been adopted by a table of three men who were acquainted from their college days. In any case, one of the three grabbed Marisol's arm and soon the four of us found ourselves being swept up by their table as they bought us drinks.

One of the three who was visiting from out of town quickly made his way over to me, attempting to pull me aside from my friends. However, he became increasingly aggressive and as his hands tried to travel, I kept shoving him off gently since he was a little less than sober. Tasha tried to intervene but he kept pushing her aside. And, it was during one of those shoves that Tasha and I noticed the HUGE red flag: The gold wedding band he flaunted on his left hand.

At this point it's clear in my head: if this guy didn't have a chance with me before, it was dead and buried twice over after spotting that thing on his finger.

The interaction took an even weirder turn when he soon asking me where I lived so he could see me after the bar "to cuddle." As I recall, it went a little something like this:

Him: Maybe I can go see you after this.
Me: Yeah, I'm gonna go ahead and say that's not a good idea.
Him: Why?
Me: Besides that wedding ring on your finger?
Him: So?
Me: SO? Yeah, not such a fan of any man I get involved with having one of those on.
Him: So if I didn't have it, are you saying you would?
Me: No. I'm saying that ring made it ten times worse. Before it would have been a simple 'not interested.' Now it's just screaming, loud NO.
Him: It doesn't matter anyway. I just like to cuddle.
Me: That's funny.
Him: Women BEG me to do stuff to them. And it makes me feel good. But I don't. I just miss the companionship when I'm away from home.

I flagged Tasha, and after he makes one last attempt to grab my arm, I move to the other side of the table, horrified. I have no idea if that rap has worked with other women, although I wouldn't be surprised if it did.

If nothing else, here are a couple of take-aways:

  • Men: interestingly enough, for many ladies, a ring is
    NOT a sexy quality.
  • Overly pushy often doesn't do the trick for anyone. In fact, can get a little scary.

Later that night, when I was away from the Married Man, I found myself thinking not only about the incident, but
wondering if his wife trusted him wholeheartedly. And, how he could be
so casual about his marriage.

I was also strangely relieved to be
single, although I realize that if and when I do get married, that I
would need be sure I trusted my mate, in
which case I hope I can trust with no reservation. In turn, I can only hope that he
would respect me and us as a couple.

After all, that is what those vows are for, aren't they?

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