How to blackmail this lazy teacher

How to blackmail this lazy teacher
Non-Grading Policies

So your daughter just spent three restless nights on 10 pages of research paper perfection. She used quotes, followed MLA guidelines, threw in some metaphors and to top it off she hasn’t seen 16 calendar years.

Well that was three months ago and still no grade; highways have been built in less time. God created the world in 6 days and this lazy teacher (and many like him)needs 100 days to provide any assessment. This lazy teacher (and many like him) had no intention of posting grades. This lazy teacher (and many like him) assigns papers and long study guides as a means of creating a utopia of harmonious workers without any intention of grading, offering feedback, or advancing knowledge.

If students are mechanically working in the classroom, they aren’t talking back, and they are easier to deal with. That’s why bad teachers assign so much work- to keep order in the classroom. This situation is more out of order than a broken down Mr. Pibb machine.

How do you know if your child has one of these teachers? Keep accurate records of each assignment, due dates, and if the assignment was graded and handed back. In most cases this lazy teacher (and many like him) have more ungraded worksheets than a paper airplane convention. Sometimes you will see rapid grading magically updated all of a sudden. Those grades are make believe, if Johnny’s paper has a one corner staple, he gets a ‘B’, if Jenny’s paper has a clear premium bound executive cover, well that’s an ‘A’. Notice the lack of corrections, you might see a check mark or a star, but this lazy teacher (and many like him) never read it, this teacher (and many like him) was too busy eating cool ranch Doritos and watching reruns of Orange County Housewives.

Parents should not demand grades or email profusely, the perfect way of handling this lazy teacher (and many like him) is to wait. By delaying until the last day, your student can get their final semester grade and if it’s not satisfactory then presto, “What about my ungraded research paper from Tuesday September 5th?”  This lazy teacher (and many like him) will be caught off guard (I wanted to say that the teacher would be caught with their pants down, but that’s for another article). They will fidget and fudget, look in their computer and say, “Yes! Computer error, you will get an A in the class.” Instead of: You’ve got mail, it’s now- You’ve got blackmail or white mail depending on race.

A good teacher will offer immediate feedback, will provide insight towards improvement, and will grade on a quick turnaround. Some teachers are exactly like that hated waiter that promises to reheat your meal to perfection, when in turn you know there is gonna be saliva on the alfredo sauce. Don’t take spit from nobody! Keep track of all assignments and grades because one day it will be time to collect and this will be the difference between junior going to an acclaimed university or to junior college.

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