I'm getting sick.
Every time I go through a breakup, one that really hurts, I get physically sick.
Like Hillary Clinton, it once got so bad that I got walking pneumonia after a particularly heart-wrenching not-so-conscious uncoupling.
Today I live in fear of getting sick. I once was sick for an entire year -- so sick that I would get so tired after putting 2-3 items of laundry away, that I'd have to take a nap after.
But now, I am much better. I haven't felt sick in that way for at least 6 months.
So once again, I begin to live in fear of what could be. That I might have to spend another year in bed, praying for the day when I can do a full load of laundry without feeling like I've been hit by a truck again.
But I also know, disease is very emotionally-driven.
I'm kicking myself in my girl-pants for all the things I did wrong in the relationship. For being too feisty, too fiery, too free. Not having gratitude where it was warranted and saying things I shouldn't have.
But the thing is, I'm not just getting sick because of the breakup.
I'm also getting sick because of the election. And it's not because of the political policies.
It's the people defending Trump's own admittance -- whether it happened or not -- of sexual assault. Saying "it's not a big deal". It's just "locker room talk."
And one of the many reasons it is contributing to making me physically ill is because I recently have been dealing with a situation that was also defended as just being "locker room talk".
Except, it was directed at me. And was not said in the confines of a locker room -- or even a bus. So to listen to people use this defense, the very same one I heard on a personal level-- one that made me feel ashamed, less than, disrespected, embarrassed and worst of all: unsafe, feels oppressing. And not just to me, but to all females, and really, anyone who has ever been sexually assaulted, harassed, etc.
I work in tech, where sexism is an everyday reality. It's a fight that I fight 9-5, Monday through Friday. It's a fight I am tired of fighting, that wears me down.
So to see a mirror of my personal life played out on a national stage -- and to see men and women brushing it off, making excuses for it, and saying that it's not that big of a deal: that makes me not want to get out of bed day in and day out.
And I know I'm not the only one. I haven't experience the utter horror of what 1 in 6 women -- and some men -- have gone through, so I can't even imagine how difficult it for them, when it is making me feel like I don't even deserve to be a person, every day. In fact, I recently read an article about how victims of domestic violence, narcissists, abusers, etc. are being triggered by Trump. One victim in particular spent the majority of her therapy session talking about Trump.
And that is not OK. Regardless of policies or politics. Although, to be fair, women's rights are a part of politics. Anyway, I can't envision 4 years of living under a narcissist -- and if not a narcissist, definitely another Cluster B personality disorder -- who demeans women. I can't watch as people who supposedly care about me make excuses for his lewd behavior, knowing how personally it affects me.
Vote for who you want, but know that Trump's words and actions are making some of us literally physically sick. And that even if you agree with his policies, it's not OK to defend his comments as "boys being boys". Because by doing that, you're contributing to rape culture. And you're metaphorically raping us.