In case you haven't heard, scientists have "discovered" that red hair became an evolution thing when humans moved out of Africa 50,000 years ago. Homo sapiens began to become redheads to adapt to colder/darker climates where we wouldn't get as much Vitamin D. And now our pale skin makes us not need as much Vitamin D as others; it gets through our thin skin faster. So as all your friends are talking about how they have a Vitamin D deficiency (since that's the hot new medical trend), you can laugh in their faces. Just don't think about the fact that you're more receptive to melanoma.
Anyway, I have a few questions about this:
1. Why the fuck has it taken scientists this long to "discover" this? Isn't this fucking common sense? Redheads, just like other pale people, live in colder/darker climates. Humans evolved this way for a reason. Like, DUH!
2. Does this mean daywalkers aren't as fully evolved as full-blooded gingers? Like as the evolution of redheads was happening, daywalkers were kind of like the in-betweeners?
3. I'm so happy that red hair officially did not come from the Neadertals. I've been pissed about that for a while as my imagination keeps showing me an image of David D. and Eric G. making fun of my 4th grade self for that one.
4. I'm not fucking Irish, for the last time.
5. I can finally tell the crazy guy that red hair did NOT come from the Vikings.
Enter your email address below to subscribe to The Ginger Philes, if you dare: