Mythbusters: Redhead Edition

Mythbusters: Redhead Edition

Many assume redheads to be certain things but I think it's time for us to quell some myths about redheads:

1.) Myth: Redheads are fiery-tempered.

Fact: Just because almost all redheads become angry upon being told they have a temper doesn't prove your "theory". In fact, most redheads who have tempers have them from nurture, not nature. Let me explain: redheads are taunted as kids. Eventually, we begin to lose our patience and put walls up. We can't block annoying Ginger Gentiles (aka non-gingers) out, so we stop being kosher and start being mean.

2. Myth: Redheads don't have souls.

Fact: Redheads do have souls, depending on how many they have stolen. You can tell how many souls a ginger has stolen by counting the freckles on their faces. (Full disclosure: I don't have very many freckles. Take that as you must.)

3. Myth: All redheads are Irish.

Fact: All redheads are African, and all humans are too. Most redheads I know are also Jews. So don't think that "South Park" was too far off when they had a ginger dictator encourage redhead supremacy and a Ginger Gentile Holocaust. Revenge is the sweetest thing. (Besides ginger-on-ginger love, of course.)

4. Myth: Gingers can't tan/go out in the sun.

Fact: A curious subset of gingers exist, called 'daywalkers'. Daywalkers somehow seem to lack the mutated MC1R gene that makes redheads redheads, yet they somehow still have red hair. These aliens do blonde-people activities, such as going to the beach, joining sororities and being back-up dancers for thug rap stars, such as P. Diddy/Sean Combs/Puff Daddy and Snoop Dogg/Snoop Lion.

5. Myth: Redheaded women are crazy in bed.

Fact: I am not telling. But let's just say, years of repression + always being on the outskirts of society anyway only equals one thing, and that one thing is BDSM. Anastasia Steele should truly be a redhead, you FUCKERS.

 

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    thegingerphiles

    The Ginger Phile has had the unfortunate disposition of being a ginger since birth. She has tried various medications to cure her gingervitis, including therapies such as tantrum-throwing. Her efforts have been to no avail. Instead, she is trying to write it out, via this blog. Unfortunately, she doesn't think it will bear a soul for her. The Ginger Phile is from the exotic land of Wisconsin, where she had daily inner turmoil over whether she was a ginger or a daywalker. So far, three of three votes say daywalker. She begs to differ, as someone recently told her they would want to be with her if they were biking at night because she is so pale.

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