Big, Important Chart: Assessing Power Redheads

Big, Important Chart: Assessing Power Redheads
Big, Important Chart: Assessing Power Redheads

Even though 2012 was dubbed, "Year of the Redhead" (I wish a Zodiac calendar for that existed), 2013 is seeing some traction for our race...er, kind. (Is kind any better?)

My friend J. posted the imagefrom the New York Times Magazine (I think) to my Facebook. And oh is it just full of potential for a graduate student thesis on the sociological impact of redheads on society, or contrarily, a pop culture criticism.

(Um, I think I just got my idea for a thesis somewhere in my distant future.)

Anywhozizzle, let's take a look. Lucille Ball is considered both the funniest and feistiest redhead. Bitch stole my M.O.

But seriously, I've heard that she actually dyed her hair. Not sure if I believe it; I thought she was a real redhead. And she loves Latinos, and we all know redheads and Latinos go together like PBJs. We're both discriminated against, but not as much as black people are discriminated against. They are growing, and we are slowing. So we make up for what the other is lacking.

Anyway, "I Love Lucy" is frickin' awesome, and I don't think anyone can disagree with me on this one, unless you are a humorless punk who prefers placenta pills to Vitameatavegamin.

I'd say Prince Harry is extreme in his fiery-ness, which the chart does not appreciate enough. However, I only know of the Vegas scandal and not how the Brits see him. But I do know it's gotta be hard to be a ginger ninja in a place where the word "ginger" is equivalent to the "n" word...and gingers are hated more than black people.

Jessica Rabbit is a DAYWALKER. She shouldn't be on this chart. BUT thank goodness somebody tried to make redheads sexy. Too bad it had to be in the form of a cartoon character.

Jessica Chastain. Who the eff is this B? According to my favorite celebrity gossip site, Crazy Days and Nights, she is one of those sexless people. Meaning she's asexual. She doesn't date, and if she does, it's a front, and she's either bearding (the guy she is dating is gay but he doesn't want anyone to know so he has a fake girlfriend). She also seemed to come out of nowhere. I had no idea who she was, then everyone started dying their hair red, and all of a sudden she's the most popular actress of recent weeks. My question is this: do sexless redheads actually exist? What about popular phrases, "Red on the head equals better in bed," and Springsteen's, "Man, you ain't lived until you've had your tires rotated by a redheaded woman." And one more question actually, "WHO IS THIS B!?"

I'd argue Conan is fierier than they give credit for. Remember that whole Jay Leno debacle? Conan's a cool cat, and it takes fire to be his form of funny.

I just had the humbling revelation my only true celebrity look alike is Carrot Top. And he's right where he should be. What is he even doing right now? Ooh, maybe my hair looks at least a little be like Shaun White's. That's a step up from Carrot Top.

This chart is also missing a ton of power redheads, obvi. People forget about many of us.

Anyway, my life long goal is to be where the legendary Lucille Ball sits. And to have a husband as beautiful/funny/nice and most importantly, scandalous, as Ricky Ricardo!

I'm off o watch some "I Love Lucy" episodes. Thoughts?

Update: After looking at the chart again, I'm happy to see respected magazines acknowledging that lots of redheads are funny. Like the token black guy in a Jackie Chan movie. Yeah, back to the redism. Back to the streets.

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    thegingerphiles

    The Ginger Phile has had the unfortunate disposition of being a ginger since birth. She has tried various medications to cure her gingervitis, including therapies such as tantrum-throwing. Her efforts have been to no avail. Instead, she is trying to write it out, via this blog. Unfortunately, she doesn't think it will bear a soul for her. The Ginger Phile is from the exotic land of Wisconsin, where she had daily inner turmoil over whether she was a ginger or a daywalker. So far, three of three votes say daywalker. She begs to differ, as someone recently told her they would want to be with her if they were biking at night because she is so pale.

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