Y'all know what mullet hunting is, and y'all know how much waiting for the train sucks. It's not like sitting down on the train, because it's slightly more awkward to read a book on the platform, since you your hands aren't free to punch the homeless person who tries to steal your iPhone. Yes, these are the things I fantasize about when I'm being paranoid about the dangers of one of the most historically corrupt cities in the U.S.
But I have a reason to be paranoid: I was carjacked back in July, afterall. And a guy who stole a wine bottle from Trader Joe's ran straight at me after a security guard put him in a headlock. I started shaking and couldn't move, and luckily he changed his mind about whatever he was going to do to me at the last minute. It doesn't help that I have a recurring dream about trying to scream and nothing coming out of my vocal cords. Which is kind of what happened in real life when I was taxi-jacked.
Anyway, enough about the reasons I'm aging more quickly than I should be and the fact that the "hill people" (someone else's words, not mine) of West Virginia live the longest because of their earthly and stress-free lifestyle. But really, if you are ever bored and homeless people aren't harassing you for change, or you are trying to mentally block out homeless people asking you for change, try to play a game with me: ginger spotting. I could saying hunting, but that's not as remniscent of periods. Instead, it reminds me of M.I.A.'s redhead hunting video replacing redheads for Jews in Holocaust Germany. It's cool because I feel like the whole video is about me since I'm a redheaded Jew. I'm so flattered she's hunting me. And it's a cool message. I'm obsessed with M.I.A. lately.
But I digress. Ginger spotting works like this:
1. Look for gingers in the crowd.
2. Decide: daywalker or ginger?
3. Take a discreet smartphone pic.
4. Consider creating a "Ginger Spotting of Chicago" Tumblr. Or InstagramIt. Wonder if it's ethical. Know that it's legal, as long as said gingers are in public and 18+. At least, it would be legal in Wisconsin.
5. But remember that legal does not equal ethical.
6. Then remind yourself it's gingers you're dealing with here. Ethical is a non-issue when souls are not involved.
7. Send The Ginger Philes said picture so I can get in trouble instead of you.