Fuck Ariel. When I saw her at Disney World on my post-college graduation roadtrip, we could tell she was cracked out. Of course, me being the ginge, I was forced to get a personal picture with her (while the blonde and redhead I roadtripped with snapped pics with sweet and sober Cinderella and Belle, respectively.) At least Ariel was playing up to redhead stereotypes.
Not only that but Disney seems to have screwed up because Ariel is an effin' DAYWALKER. Seriously, what kind of auburn-haired mermaid could possibly have tanned skin and blue eyes. That's creepy, yo. Cuz it ain't right. Just like you can't dye your hair red and have it look any kind of real (unless you're Christina Hendricks, props to her hair stylist), you can't animate these melanin-lacking tendrils.
That's why I'm happy to see this new Pixar animation with Princess Merida in the film Brave, coming out June 22. While I'm annoyed by her last name being MacDonald and the stereotype that all redheads are Irish/all Irish are redheads, she's a real fucking redhead so I can't complain too much. Her hair is FRIZZY and unkempt and her eyebrows are RED and her eyes are green and her skin is pale with pink undertones. She looks like we're a part of the same SPECIES. And if I learned anything from childhood, it's that to be normal, I need a DAMNED DISNEY PRINCESS to LOOK UP TO! To pretend I am her when we play "Disney princesses" and all fall in love and get married.
Maybe that's why my brunette and blonde friends are getting married now, and I'm not. Cause they had Disney princesses to look up to, and all I had was a cracked out Ariel. I liked the Hans Christian Anderson version better. It was darker, moodier, more ginger-like, despite Ariel being a blonde.
At least I already know that fairy tales don't come true.