Hey errbody. I hope all you ginges & philes had semi-decent New Year's that did not involve making out with men/women simply because they were the only peeps in the bar willing to kiss redheads/only redheads in the bar.
I for one, was pooping in a bathroom stall at a bar in Bucktown when the clock struck midnight. I also happened to run into a former co-worker who I nicknamed "Michael Scott", and for a good reason. (However, I wonder, does that make me Erin?) I believe this does not bode well for my 2012, if New Year's Eve is anything of a foreshadowing for the next year. Maybe, alternatively, it was a metaphor for some of the crap that happened in 2011 (what was, essentially, a sexual assault from a "friend" who told me weeks before that he wanted to marry his girlfriend, a death in the family, other various "normal people" problems, and of course, redism)
Here's a 2011 timeline of my gingerism:
- Whipped my hair with Willow Smith.
- Started taking vinyasa yoga classes at Namaskar Yoga thanks to a YouSwoop. (Strongly recommend David as an instructor btw.)
- Sweaty yoga amongst non-ginges made my gingervitis symptoms flare up, and I was out of commission for a good 5 weeks.
- Made out with (then-unknown-to-me) ginger phile friend.
- Reconnected with ginger phile-ex.
- Got lotsa snow in my hair.
- Friend tried to set me up with ginger via trivia nights (which ginger phile make out friend also attended).
- Went on 3 dates with cray accountant ginger with nerves like "he was always about to see a bear", who told neverending stories about his "artistic" and "annoying" ex-girlfriend who stole individual grapes from the grocery store, who bragged about working out for 2 hours a day and who told me was not a big partier yet was drunk every time he called me (on a weeknight). Never date a ginger accountant, never.
- Continued to reconnect with ginger phile-ex. Mistake? Perhaps.
- Ginger phile friend from February bullet made out with my ginger friend. Hence, ginger phile.
- Dated Mexican with ginger hairs in beard. Also ginger phile.
- Non-ginger phile friend attempted to cheat on his girlfriend with me. Non-ginger philes can be assholes toward gingers too.
- Roommate had sex everywhere in my apartment, while I was there. Assumed trying to prove has higher sex drive than gingers.
- Mostly continued March events. March-April was pretty eventful. St. Patricks Day brings out crazy in redhead lives?
- Traveled to Cali-forn-i-a. "California girls" is a term non-inclusive of redheads. I'd feel less out of place in China.
- Got a new roommate who didn't try to get to know me at all. Must have had preconceived notions about gingers. Damn redism.
- Got a (measly) raise. I wonder if there are studies on whether redheads make more or less than other people? Or if they're perceived differently (like how meaner women are more likely to raise to leadership; would redheads be considered meaner, and therefore more likely to raise to leadership positions?)
- This was a rough month.
- I was an emotional ginger and did a BIG no-no: I cried at work.
- I asked my mother why I couldn't get guys to commit, and she said, “It must be because of your red hair.” I wonder how much truth there is to that considering the way some ginger philes collect redheads.
- Another rough month: one in which I put life and death into perspective as we gingers are wont to do.
- Realized it's time to take a stand and fight redism.
- Attended friend's wedding. One bridesmaid was a ginger too. Wore a dress showing way too much cleavage. Posted a pic of it on Facebook profile anyway.
- Read about how much Chelsea Handler dislikes ginger men. Laughed.
- Attempted to dress as Minnie Mouse for Halloween but decided not to go out when only invited to a $30 entrance-fee party. Karma for picking a non-ginger related costume, methinks. Anyone want to invite me to their Halloween parties next year? I'll be the one dressed as Poison Ivy....
- Tried not to feel like a cannibal when eating turkey since they have red heads.
- Got a Twitter Handle for The Ginger Philes (finally!)
- Ordered more red mascara.
- Pondered my ginger goals for 2012.
- Did research on Mexican/ginger procreation (Is there any possibility of doing my part in keeping the race alive?)
- Watched Patti Stanger on "The Millionaire Matchmaker" tell 1% of the population (redheads) that we will never be able to find true love (at least not with millionaires).
- Pondered my "non-negotiables" list for dating and wondered if that should include only dating men with the recessive redheaded gene.
Overall, I grew as a person, blah, blah, blah. More than anything, this year I learned the perils of being a ginger and the shady and unwanted attacks of ginger philes lurking around every corner, many of whom are disguised as "nice guys". Please remember, ginger women and gays: nice guys are wolves in sheep's clothing. Don't ever forget that!
How did you grow as a ginger (phile) in 2011? How do you expect to grow in 2012?