Living a life stuck in a mindset that is clouded with many insecurities prevented me to live the life I knew I was capable of and that I knew I deserved. For a couple of years I felt like I wasn't where I thought I would be by my mid 20's. What I envisioned was shifted by the curve balls of life and directed me down an unexpected path. The self-doubt I had caused the flashing bright lights my eyes saw for so long turn into darkness. I wanted to take the Year of Me to regain my confidence. For me to do that, I needed to know what caused me to lose my confidence in the first place and take the steps to finding myself, courage and strength to being my glimmering Aubree again.
I was surrounding myself with people who did not lift me up or support me. All they did was bring stress and sadness into my life. I knew in order for me to find myself, I needed to let them go. The process with some was a bit harsh transition but for the most part it was a gentle transition.
What Do You Want Your Purpose To Be
Figuring out what my purpose was exciting to explore. I knew that I wanted to be impactful on others since I was a child. I remember when I was growing up, my parents always asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up? I told them that I wanted people to know my name and save lives. When we determine our purpose, that stays with us, even when times are rough and we feel meaningless. I had to remember that I am worth so much more than I thought and I am capable of doing anything that I want. Any obstacle that tries to stand in my way, my purpose is what I want it to be and I will achieve it.
Get Out There And Work It
Keeping up with a social life is hard and less of a priority once you become an adult. I wanted to really establish some roots here in Chicago after moving into the city from the suburbs 3 years ago. I adored and cherished the friendships I had from living back home but, the reality was that I was getting burnt out being in a one-sided friendship and making the trek to see them. Making new friends as an adult is frightening and nerve wrecking. I had to not be shy and put myself out there, network, enjoy life and have fun. I would not accomplish that if I was shy and held back.
I Love Me More
As cliché as it may sound, I had to learn to like myself. After bad breakups with ex boyfriends and friends I struggled with loving myself. A big part of regaining confidence and being positive was that I need to have self-love. I know I have a ton of great qualities and deserved nothing but respect. I always tried to please others, make them feel better when I in fact was the sad one and that rubbed off on them. I needed to first focus on making myself happy. I had to realize that my own perceived beauty was bringing me down. The outer beauty of me was not the most important thing when it came to knowing my worth. I felt that men didn’t want to date me and pretty girls didn’t want to be my friend because of how I looked. It took a lot of learning that beauty is not most important, character is what really counts. I needed to focus on being healthy physically, mentally and emotionally. This is the body I was given. I also remembered that what one person considers beautiful, others do not, and vice-versa.
Rebuilding my confidence and understanding myself was not easy , it required discipline and time. A little bit over a year actually. I wanted it bad enough that I took the steps to help me achieve the best version of me. I take pride in who I am and what I have to offer. The year of me has taught me a lot about myself. I am looking forward to 2018, all new relationships, achieving the personal goals I have set for myself, the surprises and continuing to move forward.