My Perfectly Imperfect, Organized Dysfunctional Life

Life is hard AF sometimes. We can have some of the greatest days and then some of the worst days where you don't even want to face all that you have to face. For some, the worst days seem like an endless loop.  I have been there more than I would like to admit. Some see me and say " Wow, you're living your best life" and others see a big sloppy hot mess. I am a young woman, a bit too young to really have my life figured all out but, I have it together, some what together honestly. I am not entirely sure what I want in life and how to get to a place of feeling that my life is real good. Now is the time where I have made some mistakes, even messed up BIG!

Recently I have realized that I am not happy with how my life is. Trying to find that happiness and peace in new adventures. Developing a closer relationship with my faith, surrounding myself with those who are uplifting. I got tired of constantly feeling that I was in a inescapable rut.  I kept questioning things in my life, "should I move away to a new city" ? I have lived in the greater Chicagoland area my entire life, maybe its time for me to move somewhere new to find where I belong? My dream career is becoming to be my worst nightmare. When the alarm goes off in the morning you shouldn't have to hit the snooze button a billion times because you're dreading coming into work. If this is the case, there is a major problem. The fear of not having the comfort of being employed is not worth not being happy. The friends I was surrounding myself were fun and I cared about them deeply but, it was starting to become a draining stream of negativity of gossiping that was having a toxic domino effect on my well-being. I wanted to have friends who were bringing more positivity into my life and less of the drama. I need to reevaluated these friendships and expand my social circle.

I have been trying to discover myself, figure out my self-worth and who I am.  Ashamed and struggling with finding my value in men and just not feeling like myself. I always knew God loved me but self-shame had me thinking that  “I can’t be with God right now.” My journey on rediscovering my faith gives my life so much meaning. My faith is about being involved, following my heart wherever it may lead me.

I have it all mapped out. These are the things in my life that will truly make me happy right? No! I understand that having problems is an essential part of life. Having problems is inevitable, until I am no longer here I will always have some sort of problem or issue. I don't want to miss out on the beauty in life focusing on how things in my life are dysfunctional. I am living for yesterday, today and tomorrow.



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