Over and over again I relive these moments of the prolonging misery that I have had. I haven't let go of these horrid moments but instead, pick at the emotional scabs. The group of girls at the office who didn't invite me out for happy hour, my best friend who ditched me again to hang out with her new boyfriend, being looked over for the promotion in my department or seeing the seen receipt from the text message I sent to the guy I thought was vibing me. I torture myself, wallowing in guilt, self- loathing, having resentment. Hello, higher self? I could sure use you right now. My higher self usually bounces back from all these humiliating moments. It keeps all the negative feelings that I have in those moments right there, in the past. My higher self is capable of forgiveness.
It's not about forgiving those who did me wrong. It'a about me forgiving myself. The aspiration for me to feel good rather than me be right. Giving all my anger, hurt, pain, humiliation and resentment and putting it in the hands of something higher than my higher self. All the feelings that I have towards the A-hole who really does not hold any purpose in my life, I have to free myself and let it go. No need to seek any revenge or talk myself into believing that they are better than their less than attractive actions. I realized I have to use these situations for my journey to grow and head down the road to happiness and freedom. I had to wipe the slate clean. Focus on the positive. Most importantly, I remembered to love myself.