Conditional friendship

Conditional friendship

We often say that pure friendship is unconditional, excludes judgments and can prevail throughout time. We think of it inherently to the concepts of trust, honesty, complicity, acceptance of virtues and weaknesses, ability to listen, etc. We visualize it as an unparalleled understanding where words are unnecessary and ponder it as the ability to share each other's joys, sorrows, tears, etc.

Taking the opportunity that gives me the freedom of my pen, I would then     ask a rhetorical question. : why do friendships end ? I know that I may get an avalanche of responses and most of them would focus their arguments on   the betrayal, deceit, deception, envy, lies, the sudden change of personality   or boredom, to name a few ... and I refuse to accept most of them as the root cause of the fraternal extinction.

I believe that what really vanishes is simply a mirage, a mere outbreak (of   both parties) of friendship, not so, a dignified and pure manifestation of it. I'm almost sure than in most cases there is no harmful plan from either party, but simply an inevitable outburst of the truth, the nakedness of our being or, what we call daily, essence … or also, why not? a bad streak that makes our soul unpleasant to the ones closer to us.

In my opinion, friendship itself is conditional and I see nothing wrong about it,   as long as this category does not involve economic, physical or social aspects. I think we all invariably want to be close to those that make us feel well, simply well. If, however, someone disturbs our peace, annoys our harmony or affects our positive emotions, the deal is not attractive anymore and the share price starts to fall. This may be temporary or sometimes permanent, but as it happens, the healthy solution is to get away without remorse or anguish, but also with discretion and without sharing the reasons with third parties, to eliminate the problem with wisdom.

As a finish line, I can only say that today, at 38 years of age, my skin may not be the same, but at the same time, my entry filter to friends has changed, commanding quality above quantity and I’ve learned to differentiate that the most attractive soul in a party, is not necessarily the one that brings the most to me. I care about many, but I love a few... a few conditional friends.

My weekly hug.

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  • Very true, Mone! Great blog!

  • In reply to Tara:

    Thank you so much, Tara. I miss running with you ! Hugs.

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    With this comment we could get into a phylosophical debate that could go on as long as we live. First of all I guess we would have to look up to see the definition of what is friendship..... Friendship is inconditional, all the rest you mention are not friends are only known people we get along our lives for certain period of times and for specific things we have to live and learn so we grow as persons.

    This time you really got into my area! And as we say in Mexico "Me picaste la cresta!"

  • In reply to Angeles Herreramoro:

    Thanks for your comment!
    If we go to the very essence of the "unconditional" meaning ( "I love you in good and in bad times, no matter what "), then I totally accept the concept combined with friendship ... but in the strict sense in which I refer in my text, friendship is conditional, because if we take different paths, if now you make me feel unhappy (or viceversa), if something changed that there is no connection anymore (if, if, if = condition), then I should say "stop here".
    Of course the issue is controversial, but I stand firm that I, at least, yes, I do put conditions on friendship (I mean, to start it and making it lasting) and this is simply that love joins us and that we seek to mutual good ... without that, I prefer to say "no thanks".
    I love that we think different, because I know how you think and it enriches me.
    A kiss and God bless the differences !! :)

  • ¡Excelente reflexión! Concuerdo con Angeles en que lo primero es definir la amistad. Tanta gente con la que nos topamos en la vida y luego tantos temperamentos, personalidades, historias... Lo que si es cierto, hay que poner la calidad sobre la cantidad y cuando encuentras a un amigo de verdad, hay que cuidarlo. Y es chamba de dos, luego por eso se acaban las amistades, porque sólo uno está haciendo todo el trabajo. ¡¡¡¡¡O luego te desamigan de Facebook nomás porque sí!!!!! :S

  • In reply to Carolina Herrera:

    Hacer todo el trabajo es precisamente lo que hace que "el negocio deje de serlo "... yo te quiero porque tú ME haces sentir mejor, ME haces sentir bien... pero el día en que dejes de hacerlo ( quizá porque yo lo provoque), entonces , ¿ por qué he de quererte si sólo me causas sinsabores ?. Cuidar la amistad es, efectivamente, chamba de dos, pero me parece que muy sencilla... si hay amor y conexión, lo demás se da por añadidura, aunque olvide enviar tarjetas de cumpleaños... Y si te "desamigan" en FB... siempre hay Twitter ! ( mala broma). Gracias por el comentario y sólo creo que todos, absolutamente todos, ponemos la más básica de las condiciones : sentirnos bien al lado del otro... Muchos besos !

  • Hola que Tal
    Muy buena tu reflexión y sin animo de polemizar creo que en el camino nos encontramos gente de todo tipo pero los verdaderos amigos los cuentas solo con una mano y se hacen visibles siempre tanto en épocas buenas como malas.

  • In reply to Lalo:

    Hola, qué tal !!
    No polemizas y si lo hicieras, mucho lo agradecería !
    Lo que mencionas tú coincide con lo que dice Ángeles... en ese tenor, CLARO que se es INCONDICIONAL ( no hay épocas, no hay condiciones sociales, económicas o físicas )... pero, nuevamente, si nos referimos a que uno deja de hacer sentir bien al otro... ¿ será viable continuar, "en las buenas y en las malas " ? ...
    En fin... no puedo discutir más con el más incondicional... contigo. Te quiero, condenadote !

  • Why waste positive energy ending a friendhsip if it might be easily renewed with a good round of golf and a couple of beers ?
    Leave them hibernating thru the years ...they would flourish again when least expected.

    Cheers from the frozen fairways.
    Titleist

  • In reply to Titleist:

    Dear Titleist,
    Titleist,

    If your friends make you feel good on the fairway and out of it, then , there's no doubt they're your friends... But again, at the end it is all conditional, because if suddenly you feel uncomfortable with someone (even playing golf;)), then you'd better go to the fairway without him.
    A hug, wherever you are !

  • Change is inevitable, even in people. Sometimes the changes we experience in life bring us together, and sometimes those changes pull us apart.

    I don't like the "conditional/unconditional" friendship dichotomy. I prefer the "transitional/non-transitional" dichotomy. Some people entered my life (and I entered theirs) at just the right moment and formed a beautiful, but transitional friendship, our lives inevitably carrying us in different directions but the impact of those friendships staying with us forever.

    Then there are the non-transitional friends-- these are the ones that are more like family. They stay in your life no matter what and no matter where your life takes you. In many cases you may not speak with or see some of these friends for years, but when you do see them again, you pick up right where you left off.

    These friendships aren't better or worse, nor do they carry any more or less impact on your life than each other, they're just different from one another.

  • In reply to Perplexio:

    Dear Perplexio: I love and accept your dichotomy. I think you have just made a great classification of friendships ... and having said that, despite the transitional and non-transitional friends, I believe that ALL of them, for some reason (intended, not accidental), are in your life ... and that was a choice, not something imposed. So if there is a decision, it is because it is "conditional" to something (the concept may be rude, but I do not mean the material or social aspects) ... and that something is related to make us feel good, , teach us something ... but always for some exchange ... We do not create friendships for free (otherwise, we'd be friends of everyone), but because we get something for it (something good that feeds our inner ), do not you think? . I loved your point of view, ... it's a great food for thought. Cheers !! :)

  • In reply to Mone:

    You do raise good points and I do agree with them about the conditional aspect of friendships. Incidentally, your post got me to thinking and resulted in my first blog post since June.

    Granted I took the friendship topic in a very different direction, but it was your post that planted the seed. So thank you for that.

  • In reply to Perplexio:

    Dear Perplexio:
    I love the ideological diversity: it is an essential ingredient to the flavor of life. Furthermore, in our case, the ideas are not opposed., yours feed and strengthen mine ! . Thanks for the comment and please let me know where can I read your blog (I searched and couldn't find it). Cheers !

  • In reply to Mone:

    My blog is @: http://wreallywrandom.blogspot.com

  • In reply to Perplexio:

    Oh, I see you have a lot of material for reading... love it. Thanks and I'll leave my comments soon. By the way, your daughter is lovely. Have a great night !

  • In reply to Mone:

    Thank you for the kind words on both my blog and daughter. My daughter has had me wrapped around her little finger from the moment I first laid eyes on her. :-)

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    Mone linda:
    Me gusta mucho tu blog porque escribes sobre temas cotidianos, interesantes porque propicias en la mente de nosotros tus lectores la reflexión, pues nos identificamos por algún hecho vivido.
    El cuarto párrafo lo leí varias veces, atrapó mi atención, estoy de acuerdo contigo que lo mejor es alejarse con sensatez y discreción , como tu bien dices. Y no ir corriendo a contarlo, como sucede en algunas ocasiones, e invitarnos a nosotros mismos a la reflexión y actuar de acuerdo a nuestro criterio....
    Muy bien el tema de esta semana.!!!!
    Felicidades .

  • Shanita linda:
    Cuando leo "tus lectores", sonrío inevitablemente, pues me siento más que honrada de saber que estás ahí, poniendo atención a mis líneas y hasta identificándote con ellas. Gran responsabilidad me dejas, pues no quiero perder tu interés y espero que, quienes me hacen favor de dedicar unos minutos a la semana para leer lo que escribo, sientan total confianza de decirme cuando puedan estar en desacuerdo también. Qué alegría que coincidimos nuevamente y que te hacen click algunas cosas... a mí me pasa igual y lo que voy aprendiendo, quiero plasmarlo enseguida. Muchos besos y gracias !!

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    Mone

    I am a professional in marketing and left my job to continue my life as a new mom now, in these lands. With almost four years of a happy marriage, I work as an independent consultant and have also started a business with my husband. As an amateur runner, I love sports, but one of my greatest passions is writing. Email: monegil74@gmail.com. Twitter: @monegil74

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