Compared to whom ?

Compared to whom ?

In our daily lives and as an automatic action, we all tend to compare. We use this tool, mostly to explain or make something understandable, anything. When we have difficulty convincing others about certain theories or when our interlocutor is skeptical of our thesis, even if it is verifiable, we use this mechanism - the comparison - to support our detailed explanation. It is then, absolutely valid to use this dialectic resource... but be cautious and restraint with it, because if we use it constantly in our daily walk through life, we can easily fall into a deep and permanent unhappiness, a choking dissatisfaction and perhaps into a frustration that may lead to harmful feelings like envy, constant anger and low self-esteem, to mention just a few.

For example, today I admire the tiny dimensions of a friend that eats like a hungry Neanderthal and her very slender shape remains intact, but I learn and acknowledge that my body is not, or will never be as that, not even fasting for six uninterrupted months. Celebrating her condition just as it is and without comparing it with mine, reassures me, protects myself from any spasm recognizing that the parity becomes unachievable. So I wish it happens to her, appreciating and accepting the delicate features of another friend or the brilliant creativity, charm and noticeable personality of another one, such as the disciplined life and strong thoughts /convictions of a fourth one ...  what a delightful cocktail! .

The day that we achieve as a society and based on which we are already considered adults, recognizing that our physical, intellectual, attitudinal, ideological, etc, differences, just make us special and attractive to belong to a group because they add value with their originality and unique charm, the visits to the psychologist will significantly be reduced, I could almost bet on it. If we also permeate this achievement in our subsequent generations, many troubles that afflict today unnecessarily will become considerably extinct: the boy who calls himself unwise for not being first, second or third place in math (but brilliant in music), the girl that judges herself obese for not fitting into jeans size 5, the teenager that considers himself awkward for not playing football as his big brother, although he is a computer genius, etc.

And finally  I would just like to invite (starting with me, that should put it into daily practice) to make the simple question that silences spiritual ailments, every time we feel ugly, boring, old, fat, scrawny, ordinary, too short, too tall, insipid , etc: Compared to whom ?.

My big hug.


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  • I can celebrate someone who has a few extra pounds as being unique and all, but let's face it, if my girlfriend gains 30 pounds over Thanksgiving I'm throwing the woman to the curb, that's if I can physically throw the blimp to the curb after gaining 30 pounds.

  • In reply to gwill:

    Thanks, dear Gwill. In that case, the comparison is a before and after in the same person (which should be an incentive to stay in shape). The problem lies in the comparisons with different - in this example- genetic origin. Happy Thanksgiving and enjoy dinner without gaining weight!

  • ¡Qué cierto es eso! ¡Qué dificil es juzgarse con ecuanimidad y aprender a quererse! Yo por eso solo me comparo con Mafafa Musguito y Paquita la del Barrio (aunque reconozco que Mafafa toma mejores fotos que yo). Como dice la Vero en su FB status de hoy: somos como copos de nieve, cada uno es diferente y especial. Solo espero no subir 30 libras durante esta mini-vacación para que no vaya acabar en la banqueta como tu amiga la de arriba...¡Ay güey! ¡Que agresividá'! Lo que si es cierto que para amar a los demás, hay que amarse primero a uno mismo. AND I EFFING LOVE MYSELF!!!! ¡Por eso te quiero tanto!

  • In reply to Carolina Herrera:

    Injustas comparaciones, muy injustas (pero ah, cómo me haces reír, al fin y al cabo). Si subes alguna librilla por ahí, hay plan B, ¿ remember ? ... por la forma en que cocinas, me alegra un poquito no pasarla contigo :). Y sí, es notorio ese amor por ti y por eso invitas a que se te quiera más ( las bajas estimas son repelentes, en el fondo).
    GRACIAS y besos a todos, incluidos Chester y Nacho !

  • Many, many, MANY years ago, when I was making a solo trip around England, I entered the Salisbury cathedral. In one of the side aisles of the cloister I found a poem in a brass plaque affixed to a wall.
    Part of it read:

    "If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter;
    for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself."

    Having been "blessed" with two Brilliant elder siblings, this was a bit of wisdom that has stayed with me all my life and, at times, allowed to keep my sanity.
    The rest of the poem by Ehrmann was put into music some years later as part of "Hair"'s score.

    It is human to compare and compete, the world sports scene is undaunted evidence that no one can discuss; it is part of what drives our race to "improve" on everything. However, no one can discuss either that, taken to the extreme or performed in an unfair fashion, it is a bad trait.

    So, it is not only a question of compared "to whom", but also "how", "when", "where", "in what" . . .



  • In reply to HectorMedina:

    Thanks for quoting the poet. Before writing you, I read the whole "Desiderata" (fabulous!).
    Very true: the comparison serves - when it's well channeled - for continuous improvement and to prove how far we can go ... But always against something really comparable, not against impossible.
    ... and I believe that your siblings always think: " this is a brilliant younger brother ... what a challenge, OMG !".
    Hugs and thanks for your support and appropriate comments.

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    Mone, as always a pleasure to read your insights/thoughts! I believe that Diversity is one of the best things in life, as it is through the different points of views, thoughts and insights, that we can all aspire to more innovation and great things in life. Imagine how boring it would be if we were all the same physically, with the same toughts, and feelings, nothing to learn from your peers, nothing to get insipired from your friends, nothing to grow from! I love and celebrate Diversity in every kind and form!!! Abrazo!!!

  • In reply to Claudia Herreramoro:

    Thanks Clau, for what you say. I also love the diversity and I get rich from it. And although comparisons are sometimes not very healthy, good examples like you: success, tenacity, leadership and balance are very profitable, because they motivate others WITH THEIR OWN STYLE, to believe that heaven is the limit. Kisses and thanks!

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    We were created as individuals and as such we learn to live and be happy or not. When we take comparation for our benefit and use it to grow in many aspects is great. When we fail is when we loose this meaning and live as shadows of others.
    se the meaning Of lifr

  • In reply to Angeles Herreramoro:

    Yes Angeles, I totally agree.
    If we choose properly the comparison as a tool, the result will be a benefit, otherwise ....
    Hugs !

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