The Impossibility Of The (1) Perfect Peach (2) Perfect Twinkie

First, we consider the noble peach!

One of Nature's [or God's, if you're a fruit lover] most satisfying creations. This according to our lands without winter where the latitudes have crowned this succulent fruit empress among queens. The only trouble is, no one has seen and eaten a perfect peach in approximately 967 years!

According to Mayan calculations, this was the last recorded banquet in Aztec lore where the perfect peach was served to the guests gathered in honor of their forthcoming celestial calendar. As fate and fact would have it, they got the calendar wrong, but by god the peach was magical.

What has happened to peaches since that night is not a pretty story. Yet it does tell the tale of life lived in a flawed universe. Once something peaks in this world there seems nowhere else to go but down. Thereby giving us that lesser known but more compelling Law of Unintended Consequences: 'If nothing succeeds like success, don't forget nothing recedes like it either!'

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Second, this week's new Hostess Twinkie being rolled out but with the very same recipe!

An American menu icon, this squishy little puff of food first arrived the same year I was born, 1931. As a child I took that to mean it was a kind of celestial event. Turns out it was just lucky marketing. But then when the company went out of business a few terrible years ago, adults as well as kids felt the pain. Not so much to their sense of taste, but more their sense of comfort. Eating Twinkies, they went down far deeper than tummies, some insist as deep as the soul.

But then -- with a sudden blast of more-information-than-we-ever-wanted -- medical science advised us that comfort food is bad for our health. Leaving us the theological conundrum: Why does a good God make bad food taste so good?

Real kids will not be troubled by this matter. But old kids like me will. As we are, here's what I think we will conclude: Some bad things in life are just too good to mess with them. It is at such moments in time when the human race at last realizes there really are gods, and the Twinkie may be one of them....

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