You'll Never Believe What's Taking Religion's Place These Days

So all right, we all know churches and temples are housing fewer congregations these days. And we all know sports has become the new religion for tens of millions of Americans and West Europeans. Sports helps satisfy our need for community and for a sense of something bigger than ourselves. But have you ever considered the emerging role of good eating in our lives? Recession or not, more and more of us are living to eat, not simply eating to live.

Proof....?

Consider the rapid rise of so many new specialty food stores. Ethnic shops, high-end luxury marts, Trader Joe's and especially Whole Foods. These have become the new houses of worship for the young and the restless, the bold and the beautiful, the rich and the healthy. I mean, these emporiums have raised food to the pedestals of prayer. Shopping in here makes you part of the faith, of the true believers, of those enlightened elites who have decided they shall live longer and better than the rest.

Why...?

Because those of us who fill these aisles each week know we have been gifted with a greater enlightenment than the run of the mill masses. Fats and cholesterol? Lord no, not for us. We shall forevermore consume only organic vegetables, lean red meats, aromatic hand-packed coffees, whole grain breads, purer milks and creams, all in the name of the great god health. We do this because we have committed our bodies to living the ideal-now in self-reighteous expectations that we will thus achieve the ideal-then.

In effect, good eating is the high road to redemption for us The Chosen. If you wish to join our flock, take up your cross of past gluttony's and discard it. No more Whoppers or KFC or Pizza Huts. Begone accursed devils of deception. We have seen the light, and we shall proudly push our food carts past the cathedrals of eternal life.

Amen.

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