Have You Heard The God Particle Has Just Been Confirmed. But Has God Approved

After years of theorizing and then experimenting, the world's science community has announced the Higgs Particle [nicknamed the God Particle by some smart-alec physicists] has been confirmed with 99% certainty.

Some observers thrill; others shrug. Jonathan Lykke, a prominent theoretical physicist at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory in Batavia, Illinois said: "This confirmation tells us our universe is inherently unstable so that many tens of billions of years from now there will be a cosmic catastrophe."

With a time line that long, no one in Batavia need worry. Nor anywhere else in the known world right now. I myself am among those who are not in the least worried, but not because of anything I've read in the latest documents. Don't let this get around, but some time ago I was contracted to write a brief video for the employees at Fermi...

...not about theoretical physics, you understand, just about their new health plan benefits. But here's my thinking. If they're figuring on health benefits, they must be expecting to keep their doors open for the indefinite future. Am I right....? Please, tell me I'm right...!

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