helpful tips
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Helpful tips for aspiring stickup artists
This is part of my ongoing series "Helpful Tips".If you're thinking of embarking on a life of crime as a stickup artist, or are considering a quick one-time score to make some extra cash, here are some helpful tips:Do not throw the hat you wore to the robbery into a...
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Halloween safety tips for kids, with helpful video
As you know, I'm a strong believer in public service, especially in the form of helpful public service announcements. Halloween is just around the corner, so I thought it appropriate to pass on some Halloween safety information.Every year we're reminded that sex offenders shouldn't give out candy, and the Cook...
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Helpful tips for home-based dope dealers
This is part of my ongoing series "Helpful Tips". If you plan on making a living by moving moderate amounts of cannabis from your suburban home, here are some helpful tips:...
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Helpful tips for window peepers
This is part of my ongoing series "Helpful Tips". If you plan on spending some weekday morning lurking around a suburban neighborhood, peeping in windows, here are some useful tips:Don't make noise by rustling through the bushes as you sidle up to the bathroom window,Don't continue to peep at the...
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Helpful tips for stalking suspects
This is part of my ongoing series "Helpful Tips". Helpful Tips for Stalking SuspectsIf you're a 23 year old man accused of stalking an ex-girlfriend who broke up with you 3 months ago, here's some advice:If you're sitting in the back of the police car, handcuffed, watching your car being...
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Helpful tips for aggravated assault suspects
This is part of my ongoing series "Helpful Tips". Helpful tips for aggravated assault suspects If you're a 22-year-old woman accused of threatening your dad's ex-girlfriend with a baseball bat in front of multiple witnesses, here's some advice: Greeting the police in a low-cut spaghetti strap tee shirt showing a...
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Helpful tip for users of Craigslist
This may be part one of a series of helpful tips. We'll see.Helpful tip for users of CraigslistIf you're meeting a prostitute at a local motel, it's probably a good idea to check behind the closed bathroom door when you first arrive. That way, once you get naked and the...
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Helpful tip for victims & witnesses of violent crime
If you're a victim of, or witness to, a violent crime, and you're being interviewed by an Assistant State's Attorney, here's a thought: Try to minimize the number of times you work the phrase "woo woo woo" into your official statement. Excessive use of "woo woo woo" might hurt your...
