Posts tagged "humor"

Dumpster diving at a funeral home and other socially unacceptable behavior

Concerned that I’m getting my act together with all of this public school advocacy business? Rest assured, I’m not. 1. I recently received word that I’m soon headed abroad for a work-related trip. Since said trip requires a visa, I thought I’d prove myself responsible and get my passport to my colleague before he had... Read more »

5 rookie mistakes I made as a kindergartner's parent

The transition to Kindergarten can be a sticky one. And by sticky I mean, “HOLY HELL, WHOSE PANTS ARE YOU WEARING?” While my kid settled in just fine after a rocky week or two, I continued to make foolish decisions all damn year long. Because I believe in paying it forward, I’ve got five tips... Read more »

Spring Break 2016: Moms Gone Wild

It’s almost April, which means we’re heading to Cocoa Beach, FL to high-five manatees and sip drinks served in coconuts. There will be boobs, however, they’re strictly dedicated to the nine-month-old joining us. LAME. via GIPHY I’ve never been much of a spring break person. I’d watch MTV’s Spring Breakers like my life depended on it... Read more »
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Who Said It: Donald Trump or Charlie Sheen?

Ready to play a little game of “Who said what?”  This round: The Donald vs. America’s favorite Warlock. (Answers at the bottom.) 1. “Boom, crush. Night, losers. Winning, duh.” [source] 2. “I don’t have a racist bone in my body.” [source] 3. “I’m tired of pretending I’m not a total bitchin’ rock star from Mars, and... Read more »

Murphy's Law is my every day

I embrace chaos. Whether it’s my mom sitting in an unmonitored wheelchair that is slowly snaking its way to the street, or locking myself out of the house for the 20,446,205th time, it’s just how I roll. It’s kind of my calling card that I always misplace. Sometimes, however, I’m not entirely to blame. Sort... Read more »

8 reasons why I am going to lose my sh!t today

Let’s just jump in, shall we? 1. My mom lost her dental plate. Again. Nerds Smartypants of the world, can you PLEASE, for the love of sweet baby Jesus, invent a bluetooth or homing device for dentures/plates/whathaveyou? These things cost more than the valued place on a Duggar’s v-card. 2. The battery backup for our... Read more »
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Dear Chicago Public Schools: Applying to kindergarten shouldn't make me cry

The application process to enter Chicago Public School (CPS) kindergarten classes continues to wreak havoc on my simple brain. Let me break it down for you. 1. First, I complained about the backwardness of  CPS’ application process. 2. Next, I proved myself to be a GIANT HYPOCRITE by  participating in said system (i.e., applied to... Read more »

Stream these 5 hilarious comedies while feeding your new baby

My friends Dave and Sio just popped out a fresh-baked baby. She’s sweet and sleepy and loves to eat. A lot. Sometimes I forget about the time spent pumping,nursing and bottle feeding. Or pretending to pump/nurse but really just needing a break. And then I meet a new baby and it all comes rushing back.... Read more »

Going postal! I love you so hard, snail mail

I like fruit baskets because it gives you the ability to mail someone a piece of fruit without appearing insane. Like, if someone just mailed you an apple you’d be like, ‘huh? What the hell is this?’ But if it’s in a fruit basket you’re like, ‘this is nice!’ – Demitri Martin I love mail.... Read more »
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Fact: The human head weighs 12,000 lbs when resting on one's trachea

My husband is away on a work trip again. Don’t get any ideas, robbers, we have houseguests! Anyway, by night three, my kid usually weasels his way into my bedroom to try to destroy me via co sleeping snuggle. Warm fuzzies, yeah yeah. Without fail, this is what happens every GD time. 4:30 AM – Kid... Read more »
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    Annie Swingen

    Chicago-based hyperbole enthusiast. Mom to a kid and sometimes my mom. Overboard (1987) obsessed weirdo. I like the funnies in life.

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