Posts tagged "humor"

Murphy's Law is my every day

I embrace chaos. Whether it’s my mom sitting in an unmonitored wheelchair that is slowly snaking its way to the street, or locking myself out of the house for the 20,446,205th time, it’s just how I roll. It’s kind of my calling card that I always misplace. Sometimes, however, I’m not entirely to blame. Sort... Read more »

8 reasons why I am going to lose my sh!t today

Let’s just jump in, shall we? 1. My mom lost her dental plate. Again. Nerds Smartypants of the world, can you PLEASE, for the love of sweet baby Jesus, invent a bluetooth or homing device for dentures/plates/whathaveyou? These things cost more than the valued place on a Duggar’s v-card. 2. The battery backup for our... Read more »

Dear Chicago Public Schools: Applying to kindergarten shouldn't make me cry

The application process to enter Chicago Public School (CPS) kindergarten classes continues to wreak havoc on my simple brain. Let me break it down for you. 1. First, I complained about the backwardness of  CPS’ application process. 2. Next, I proved myself to be a GIANT HYPOCRITE by  participating in said system (i.e., applied to... Read more »

Stream these 5 hilarious comedies while feeding your new baby

My friends Dave and Sio just popped out a fresh-baked baby. She’s sweet and sleepy and loves to eat. A lot. Sometimes I forget about the time spent pumping,nursing and bottle feeding. Or pretending to pump/nurse but really just needing a break. And then I meet a new baby and it all comes rushing back.... Read more »

Going postal! I love you so hard, snail mail

I like fruit baskets because it gives you the ability to mail someone a piece of fruit without appearing insane. Like, if someone just mailed you an apple you’d be like, ‘huh? What the hell is this?’ But if it’s in a fruit basket you’re like, ‘this is nice!’ – Demitri Martin I love mail.... Read more »

Fact: The human head weighs 12,000 lbs when resting on one's trachea

My husband is away on a work trip again. Don’t get any ideas, robbers, we have houseguests! Anyway, by night three, my kid usually weasels his way into my bedroom to try to destroy me via co sleeping snuggle. Warm fuzzies, yeah yeah. Without fail, this is what happens every GD time. 4:30 AM – Kid... Read more »

5 absurd reasons why working from home is amazificent

Back in 2008, I relocated from DC to Chicago and my boss was kind enough to keep me on the payroll as a part-time employee. It was my first experience in the working-from-home world, and I’m not going to lie, it took a bit of time to adjust to this new way of life. Do... Read more »

Kids' birthday parties are going to destroy me

On Sunday afternoon, EK and I attended the second kid birthday party of 2015. And we have another one  scheduled for this weekend. Don’t get me wrong, I do enjoy socializing with parents-now-friends and  EK always has a blast, but the actual party usually ends in tears…mine and/or EK’s. After I returned home from the... Read more »

Floating heads, dogs in costume, longing gazes: I'll never beat this year's holiday card

Well, it’s official: I am going to freak out when our roommates move out. If you don’t already know, some friends moved in with us this summer and are still shacked up in this chaotic house. With their impending condo closing scheduled for basically tomorrow, I know it’s only a matter of time before they... Read more »

5 kids books that make great gifts

Number 1 on my list is<a href="">"Someday a Bird Will Poop on You"</a> ($16.95). Kids obviously love this book because you say “poop” a bazillion times. Crude? Yes. Effective? Yes. Why? Because someday a bird will poop on you. Or you won’t get what you want from Santa. Or you’ll lose a job, get in a fender bender, be served Pepsi instead of Coke. Cats and dogs living together and we all have to cope. So help the kiddos hone this skill now and give them a pass on the “potty talk”. Even better, give it to a recent college grad because Lord knows they are going to feel crapped on.
Our house overfloweth with books. Yet we keep adding to our library because, well, books are awesome. Especially books that make both adults and kids laugh. If you buy one or all of these kids books, I promise you will be known throughout the land as the BEST GIFT GIVER IN THE HISTORY OF GIFT... Read more »
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    Annie Swingen

    Chicago-based hyperbole enthusiast. Mom to a kid and sometimes my mom. Overboard (1987) obsessed weirdo. I like the funnies in life.

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