Posts tagged "ho-ho"

Caretaking Chronicles: Three Simple Words?

I liked to play word association games in my head.  They are a simple way for me to figure out how I feel about a certain person, place or thing. I like simple. I mean, I eat cereal for breakfast, people. Let’s take the word mom. + the first three words that pop into my... Read more »

"You cannot use pledge wipes as bathroom wipes" and other conversations with my mom

My mom, Ho-Ho, called me eight times this past Sunday.  Our final conversation ended with, “[y]ou’re a real bitch Annie. Love you. Bye”. This was of course in response to me imploring her to talk to her doctor before she refuses to continue taking a prescription. THE GALL! Ho-Ho’s lovely sign-off inspired me to put... Read more »

Caretaking Chronicles: Why Can't Physicians Communicate?

I was going to pen a post about the nine hours spent yesterday getting my mom (aka Ardie Ho-Ho) admitted to the hospital. How she stopped eating and drinking because she was certain she was being poisoned (the food at her place isn’t great, but it’s certainly not lethal.). Maybe note the seven hours spent... Read more »
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Caretaking Chronicles: Coping with Mental Illness? Ask for Help

Yesterday I went to visit my mom, Ho-Ho, to make sure she was still driving the staff at her independent living facility nuts.  The head Home Care rep informed me that Ho-Ho spent the day pinching her cheeks while telling people she had been poisoned and couldn’t talk. Yes, I do realize how ridiculous it... Read more »

Caretaking Chronicles: A Hospital Trip for My Mom aka They Should Block Cell Phone Signals in Hospitals

Sweet mother of pearl have I been delinquent in writing ChicagoNow posts. My excuse? Ho-Ho is in the hospital.  Worry not, she is fine. In fact she is, dare I say, thriving? 24/7 attention? Check. Different people to incur her wrath? Of course! Continual access to not one  but two phone lines on which she... Read more »

How to Kill Romance: Pose With Your Mom's Used Lingerie

Do you know what the most unromantic gift to give to your wife on your second, seventh anniversary (story to follow)? Gravel. OK, not really. I mean, I really didn’t get the gravel. But I also forgot our anniversary for the second time this year. Yes, we have two anniversaries because we decided to get... Read more »
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Tuesday musings: Financial stress and poop lotion

At four AM today, I rolled over to see Ellis staring intently at me with his newly acquired “crazy three-year old eyes”.  Actually, his eyeballs vacillate between crazy and rage-filled depending on the millisecond. People told me that three is harder than two. We are four whole days into it, and I can say with... Read more »

Bad decisions are my forte

When Mr. Swirley is away I really let myself go. Not in the “I don’t do my make-up or brush my hair way”, because, let’s be honest, I rarely get gussied up. It’s more the “I ordered a  ton (I mean this literally) of mulch to be dumped on our driveway with no real plan... Read more »

These are a few of my least favorite things

I like to bitch. A lot. Like a lot, a lot. And I lurve lists. Below are some current irritants in my very mundane life. People reading teleprompters. I mean, I can’t even read aloud to my kid without stumbling over the word “a”, but I judge TV people when I see their eyeballs moving... Read more »
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    Annie Swingen

    Chicago-based hyperbole enthusiast. Mom to a kid and sometimes my mom. Overboard (1987) obsessed weirdo. I like the funnies in life.

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