Posts tagged "caretaking"

Caregiving Chronicles: Medicare might give up on mom, but we certainly won't

Guess who’s going to rehab!?!? No, not your favorite celebrity starlet. Well, maybe.  But I’m talking about none other than my mom, Ardie Ho-Ho. Get excited, G-dammit! Since January, Ho-Ho hasn’t walked much. We sherpa’d her to the bathroom enough times to realize that her MS was being a real bitch. Although she was hospitalized... Read more »

Caregiving Chronicles: Only quitters give up smoking

Guess who’s back?! Ardie Ho-Ho…with a vengeance! Technically speaking my mom never left, but she’s certainly been quiet. Or I’ve  successfully ignored her phone calls while focusing on the madness that is the Chicago Public School system. Either way, we’ve enjoyed a welcome  albeit temporary respite from Hurricane Ho-Ho. Yesterday morning, while sitting through the... Read more »

Caretaking Chronicles: Three Simple Words?

I liked to play word association games in my head.  They are a simple way for me to figure out how I feel about a certain person, place or thing. I like simple. I mean, I eat cereal for breakfast, people. Let’s take the word mom. + the first three words that pop into my... Read more »

"You cannot use pledge wipes as bathroom wipes" and other conversations with my mom

My mom, Ho-Ho, called me eight times this past Sunday.  Our final conversation ended with, “[y]ou’re a real bitch Annie. Love you. Bye”. This was of course in response to me imploring her to talk to her doctor before she refuses to continue taking a prescription. THE GALL! Ho-Ho’s lovely sign-off inspired me to put... Read more »

Caretaking Chronicles: White Flag Wednesday

All as has been quiet on the mom front since she was released from the hospital a few weeks ago. So quiet, in fact, that I  actually relaxed (sort of) and laughed at the over $100K charged for her three hospital stays during the first quarter of this year. Nuts, right? But fun time is... Read more »

Caretaking Chronicles: Caring for the Caretakers

I am not professional advice giver. In fact, as a general rule, I advise people to do the opposite of what I suggest. Which then, I suppose, actually means they should follow my advice in the first place. Which is a terrible idea. Just call me Vizzini. Anywhoo, here my tips for caretakers when it... Read more »

Caretaking Chronicles: Why Can't Physicians Communicate?

I was going to pen a post about the nine hours spent yesterday getting my mom (aka Ardie Ho-Ho) admitted to the hospital. How she stopped eating and drinking because she was certain she was being poisoned (the food at her place isn’t great, but it’s certainly not lethal.). Maybe note the seven hours spent... Read more »

Caretaking Chronicles: A Hospital Trip for My Mom aka They Should Block Cell Phone Signals in Hospitals

Sweet mother of pearl have I been delinquent in writing ChicagoNow posts. My excuse? Ho-Ho is in the hospital.  Worry not, she is fine. In fact she is, dare I say, thriving? 24/7 attention? Check. Different people to incur her wrath? Of course! Continual access to not one  but two phone lines on which she... Read more »

Caretaking Chronicles: Tylenol is more effective than Methadone

Ardie Ho-Ho has been on a terror lately…when I say lately I mean the past 12 months. But seriously, I might soon end up in jail. There was the whole guilt over potential dentures, the time her teeth cracked and fell out and I lost my mind on a street corner, and then when she... Read more »

Caretaking Chronicles: The Dental Debacle Continues

Have you ever felt like your head was going to explode? I mean this in the most literal sense of the word. EGGSPLODE. Like, “my wedding gown doesn’t fit and I am getting married in 14 minutes!!” or “my mom’s front three teeth feel out (bridge) and it will cost $4-8000 to fix it!!”? Because... Read more »
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    Annie Swingen

    Chicago-based hyperbole enthusiast. Mom to a kid and sometimes my mom. Overboard (1987) obsessed weirdo. I like the funnies in life.

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