Category: storytime

Netflix's Orange is the New Black slams the criminalization of mental illness

After months of waiting, Orange is the New Black’s (OITNB) season four was released in late June, and yes, I binged the Hell out of all 13 episodes. If you aren’t familiar with OITNB, what, pray tell, is wrong with you? the show, which boasts an amazing ensemble cast, initially revolves around Piper Chapman (played... Read more »

A Valentine's Day story: I gave a guy the wrong number and then we got married

Today marks the fourteen-year and 364 day anniversary of poor Mr. Swirley enduring my rendition of John Mellencamp’s “Jack & Diane”. No wonder his ears routinely bleed. I met Old Man Swirley in the fall of 2000. After chatting at a party where he broke a couch, I decided the most subtle thing I could... Read more »

Stayton the Obvious: Questions about the Overboard remake

Dear Eugenio, Is it too forward to call you Eugenio? Mr. D? Dean? Anyway, I’ve been thinking about your new project over the past few weeks? What project, you ask? The Overboard reboot, obviously. You’ve taken on quite a responsibility and I admire your gusto. As a rabid passionate fan of the original, I have... Read more »
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7 bogus excuses my 3-year-old uses to avoid bedtime

Holy sweet mother of pearl. I am convinced my kid doesn’t want to survive in this world. Whether it’s because he is driving his parents to the point of insanity with late night shenanigans or he simply isn’t on board with  the fact that EVERY SINGLE BEING needs to rest – I don’t care. The shit... Read more »

7 annoying things that just might kill me

Sweet mother of pearl am I losing it.  Most of my complaints are irrational, but what’s new? And since Mr. Swirley is on a business trip and unreachable because he is all fancy and out to dinner with co-workers, it’s time to overshare. And if you are too lazy to read, you can check out... Read more »

Swimming Lessons' Lessons

After three months of swimming lessons, I am  proud to announce that EK has upped the threshold from 0 to 12 seconds before we dive in to save him.  I know that sounds terrible, but honestly, it’s a huge coup; it takes less time for me to house a Three Musketeers bar. However, I have... Read more »
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The Illustrated Guide to Getting Kids to Sleep

When people told me my kid would someday sleep through the night, I assumed that would mean I too would be sleeping a solid eight hours snuggled up in my cozy bed. “Just get through the first three six twelve months,” we told ourselves, “ and then it will be easy-street from then on out.”... Read more »

Watch These Netflix Gems Now

TLC's Extreme Cheapskates (2013). Bargh! Last weekend I spent way too long banking online so I could watch this show. I love a good deal, but good Lord do these people put me to shame. Eating of strangers plates? Washing clothes by showering in them? It's crazy awesome.
We dropped cable a few years ago because we weren’t watching enough of it to rationalize shelling out $12 million/month AND there is more than enough weird stuff on Netflix to keep us engaged for years.  Here are six documentaries/series I suggest you check out if you haven’t already…or consider yourself dead to me. What... Read more »

Joan Cusack watched me lose my mind

The holidays are a stressful time for many. Presents, money, time, money, calories, money. What can make them a little easier? Joan Cusack. “What?”, you say? Let’s do this. This past weekend, I was buzzing around Old Town looking for the perfect gift for my mother-in-law because the other three gifts I had purchased were... Read more »
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How the Russian Consulate Led Me to Morocco

Ever hung out at the Russian Embassy in DC? Excuse me, the Consulate? You have to be invited to the Embassy – fancy Muscovites keep it real. Anyway, imagine this GIGANTIC, imposing beast of an embassy, all glorious and exempt from property taxes… and just down the hill is the consulate. A gate, a door... Read more »
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    Annie Swingen

    Chicago-based hyperbole enthusiast. Mom to a kid and sometimes my mom. Overboard (1987) obsessed weirdo. I like the funnies in life.

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