Posts in category "parenting"

5 rookie mistakes I made as a kindergartner's parent

The transition to Kindergarten can be a sticky one. And by sticky I mean, “HOLY HELL, WHOSE PANTS ARE YOU WEARING?” While my kid settled in just fine after a rocky week or two, I continued to make foolish decisions all damn year long. Because I believe in paying it forward, I’ve got five tips... Read more »

My kid is heading to kindergarten and I’m feeling all the feels

Well, it’s happened. Like every other kid, mine has gone ahead and grown up. I mean, he isn’t sprouting a dirty ‘stache or anything, but he’s old enough to head off to school. And with this realization comes a whole lot of freak outs on mom’s part. Let’s run through a list of these (sometimes unreasonable)... Read more »

Dear Chicago Public Schools: Applying to kindergarten shouldn't make me cry

The application process to enter Chicago Public School (CPS) kindergarten classes continues to wreak havoc on my simple brain. Let me break it down for you. 1. First, I complained about the backwardness of  CPS’ application process. 2. Next, I proved myself to be a GIANT HYPOCRITE by  participating in said system (i.e., applied to... Read more »
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Stream these 5 hilarious comedies while feeding your new baby

My friends Dave and Sio just popped out a fresh-baked baby. She’s sweet and sleepy and loves to eat. A lot. Sometimes I forget about the time spent pumping,nursing and bottle feeding. Or pretending to pump/nurse but really just needing a break. And then I meet a new baby and it all comes rushing back.... Read more »

Choose hope and work to end pediatric cancer this Donna Day!

Do you remember when you were small? How everybody would seem so tall I am your shadow in the dark I have your blood inside my heart – Spoon, “Me and the Bean“ Today is Donna Day. It’s a day to celebrate the life of Donna Quirke-Hornik, who was pirated away from this world by... Read more »

Fact: The human head weighs 12,000 lbs when resting on one's trachea

My husband is away on a work trip again. Don’t get any ideas, robbers, we have houseguests! Anyway, by night three, my kid usually weasels his way into my bedroom to try to destroy me via co sleeping snuggle. Warm fuzzies, yeah yeah. Without fail, this is what happens every GD time. 4:30 AM – Kid... Read more »
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I love that my kid lacks a filter

Yesterday morning, after yelling,  ”DO NOT COME INTO MY BEDROOM,” my 4 y/o kid, EK, calmed down and went about his morning routine of feeding his creepy fish and pretending to get dressed. He then asked, “[m]ama, do I have a greater brain than you? Because I remember more stuff than you.” Maybe? His memory... Read more »

Searching for patience: My kid sees Africa, I see a missed appointment

I haven’t been very patient with my kid lately. “Hurry up”s in the morning and “slow down”s whenever EK can’t contain his excitement, flow from my mouth like the might ‘Sippa. And, as if I need to one-up myself, I pair my lack of patience with  a dismissive attitude; “Don’t just say ‘yep’, mama. Look!... Read more »

Kids' birthday parties are going to destroy me

On Sunday afternoon, EK and I attended the second kid birthday party of 2015. And we have another one  scheduled for this weekend. Don’t get me wrong, I do enjoy socializing with parents-now-friends and  EK always has a blast, but the actual party usually ends in tears…mine and/or EK’s. After I returned home from the... Read more »
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If my kid wakes me up at 4 AM, I'm either going AWOL or back to bed

When I was pregnant 20,000 years ago, my cousin gave me a book titled, “The Baby is Disappointing“. Interested? Watch the below narrated video (start at 1:00) unless you don’t have a sense of humor. If that’s the case, it’s your funeral, man. The thing is, this little book’s points ring true years after my... Read more »
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    Annie Swingen

    Chicago-based hyperbole enthusiast. Mom to a kid and sometimes my mom. Overboard (1987) obsessed weirdo. I like the funnies in life.

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