Posts in category "observations"

The CPS kindergarten application process makes me want to put my head through a wall

The CPS kindergarten application process makes me want to put my head through a wall
If you don’t know how the Chicago Public School (CPS) kindergarten system works, below is a little primer. 1.”Friendly” parents ask you for the name of your local school and either wince out of jealousy or compassion, or shrug their shoulders and say they never heard of it. They then inform you that  your life... Read more »

Hey media, quit calling Amanda Bynes "crazy"

This morning I scrolled through Facebook updates and saw an Amanda Bynes write-up  on Gawker. Why did Jordan Sargent need to use “crazy” in his title? It’s one thing to mock tabloids in a weekly round-up, it’s another thing to add fuel to the fire. Yes, I know it’s Gawker and they are all loosey-goosey... Read more »

IKEA with kids: A one way ticket to Anxietyville

Today I went to IKEA. I know you are thinking, “IKEA? On a Friday? You are a GREAT planner, Annie.” But wait, my kid is now old enough to gain access to IKEA’s Kinderland or whatevertheshit it’s called in Swedish. Basically a stranger will watch my kid for an hour as long as little Swirley... Read more »

Successful parenting sometimes means letting go

Yesterday I read a well-written blog post by fellow CN’er Walter Michka entitled, “How will your kids turn out?” He wrote, Bryan Caplan, author of Selfish Reasons To Have More Kids believes children’s long-term outcome is more nature than nurture, that parents may have some influence on their children in the short-term but long-term, it’s really up to the kids themselves. “…parents... Read more »

People who told me four-year-olds are reasonable are big, fat LIARS

Recently my boss informed me I am now closer to 50 than I am to 18. Thanks, boss. 50 is the new 30, right? RIGHT? But don’t worry, I don’t have time to pout about growing a year older. Why? Because I am an adult and have grown to appreciate life my kid turned 4 last... Read more »

9 reasons I'd rather shave my tongue with a dull razor than go to another movie with my preschooler

Last week I went to a movie with my son. It was nothing like the first time we took him to theater, all doe-eyed, shoving popcorn in his mouth faster than his greasy hands could grab those kernels. “Thank you mama,” he said when we left the theater after his inaugural outing. “Wow!” I said... Read more »

7 bogus excuses my 3-year-old uses to avoid bedtime

Holy sweet mother of pearl. I am convinced my kid doesn’t want to survive in this world. Whether it’s because he is driving his parents to the point of insanity with late night shenanigans or he simply isn’t on board with  the fact that EVERY SINGLE BEING needs to rest – I don’t care. The shit... Read more »

I'd rather eat shards of glass than listen to people chew

Yesterday, I logged in to my computer and was oddly inspired by Can I Get Another Bottle of Whine With My Morning Quiet Time?  hilarious meme on maintaining one’s composure when faced with a “gross chewer”. And let me preface this post with the fact that yes, I realize there exists full-mouth talkers and it’s totally reasonable... Read more »

7 annoying things that just might kill me

Sweet mother of pearl am I losing it.  Most of my complaints are irrational, but what’s new? And since Mr. Swirley is on a business trip and unreachable because he is all fancy and out to dinner with co-workers, it’s time to overshare. And if you are too lazy to read, you can check out... Read more »

My preschooler is already questioning the existence of the Easter Bunny

It’s bunny time for many of us. Last week, our little family ventured to one of  Chicago’s suburbs to meet that furry beast and procure some candy. The bunny was kind of  a “dirt-bunny”, but, I mean, can you even get those costumes cleaned? Is that something a dry-cleaner does? I have actually spent a... Read more »
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    Annie Swingen

    Chicago-based hyperbole enthusiast. Mom to a kid and sometimes my mom. Overboard (1987) obsessed weirdo. I like the funnies in life.

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