Posts in category "freak outs"

That time I ruined my kid’s birthday

Almost two years ago I penned a post  where I whined about the fallout from kids’ birthday parties; jeers, tears, and beers always followed those overstimulating, sugar-filled two-hour fiestas. I’m pleased to say things have improved markedly when it comes to behavior during and post friends’ parties, however, hosting a shindig continues to be a... Read more »

Gov. Rauner, you're wrong; CPS is #notaprison

Like many a politician, Illinois Governor Bruce Rauner appears to suffer from the dreaded foot-in-mouth disease. Just today he filled his pie hole during a tour of Chicago Tech incubator 1871, when likened our public school system to a prison. “The simple fact is that when you look objectively at the state of Chicago Public... Read more »

Caregiving Chronicles: Difficult decisions and bad hospital TV

I’m sitting in a dimly lit hospital room next to a sleeping mom (Ho-Ho). She’s just been transferred from the neuro unit of one hospital to the acute rehab unit of another. It’s like Groundhog Day ’round these parts; two lesions in four months. ER to rehab to home…and back. Multiple Sclerosis is an asshole.... Read more »
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My kid is heading to kindergarten and I’m feeling all the feels

Well, it’s happened. Like every other kid, mine has gone ahead and grown up. I mean, he isn’t sprouting a dirty ‘stache or anything, but he’s old enough to head off to school. And with this realization comes a whole lot of freak outs on mom’s part. Let’s run through a list of these (sometimes unreasonable)... Read more »

30 movies turning 30 in 2015

<a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0089218/">Goonies</a>. Chunk and the gang are <a href="http://www.thegoondocks.org/30th-anniversary-2015.html">together right now</a> in Astoria, OR doing the truffle shuffle celebrating 30 years of awesomeness. This film defined many a childhood and is quoted on the daily around here.
It’s 3:37 AM on Wednesday morning. I could blame my insomnia on anticipation of today’s arrival of FIVE houseguests; they won’t notice the “hair carpet” in the bathroom, right? Or our wedding anniversary (I FINALLY REMEMBERED!!!!) Alas, nope and nope. Instead, I think I’m just turning into an old biddy. You know what else makes... Read more »

8 reasons why my husband may never let me plan another vacation

Well, we made it back from our Balkans road trip with a bag of souvenirs and a case of campylobacter. If you aren’t familiar with the latter, consider yourself lucky. However, this got me thinking that maybe, just maybe, I shouldn’t be in charge of planning our vacations. Why?  I’ll give you eight reasons. 1. I... Read more »
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8 reasons why I am going to lose my sh!t today

Let’s just jump in, shall we? 1. My mom lost her dental plate. Again. Nerds Smartypants of the world, can you PLEASE, for the love of sweet baby Jesus, invent a bluetooth or homing device for dentures/plates/whathaveyou? These things cost more than the valued place on a Duggar’s v-card. 2. The battery backup for our... Read more »

5 absurd reasons why working from home is amazificent

Back in 2008, I relocated from DC to Chicago and my boss was kind enough to keep me on the payroll as a part-time employee. It was my first experience in the working-from-home world, and I’m not going to lie, it took a bit of time to adjust to this new way of life. Do... Read more »

Searching for patience: My kid sees Africa, I see a missed appointment

I haven’t been very patient with my kid lately. “Hurry up”s in the morning and “slow down”s whenever EK can’t contain his excitement, flow from my mouth like the might ‘Sippa. And, as if I need to one-up myself, I pair my lack of patience with  a dismissive attitude; “Don’t just say ‘yep’, mama. Look!... Read more »
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IKEA with kids: A one way ticket to Anxietyville

Today I went to IKEA. I know you are thinking, “IKEA? On a Friday? You are a GREAT planner, Annie.” But wait, my kid is now old enough to gain access to IKEA’s Kinderland or whatevertheshit it’s called in Swedish. Basically a stranger will watch my kid for an hour as long as little Swirley... Read more »
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    Annie Swingen

    Chicago-based hyperbole enthusiast. Mom to a kid and sometimes my mom. Overboard (1987) obsessed weirdo. I like the funnies in life.

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