Posts in category "freak outs"

My kid is heading to kindergarten and I’m feeling all the feels

Well, it’s happened. Like every other kid, mine has gone ahead and grown up. I mean, he isn’t sprouting a dirty ‘stache or anything, but he’s old enough to head off to school. And with this realization comes a whole lot of freak outs on mom’s part. Let’s run through a list of these (sometimes unreasonable)... Read more »

30 movies turning 30 in 2015

<a href="">Goonies</a>. Chunk and the gang are <a href="">together right now</a> in Astoria, OR doing the truffle shuffle celebrating 30 years of awesomeness. This film defined many a childhood and is quoted on the daily around here.
It’s 3:37 AM on Wednesday morning. I could blame my insomnia on anticipation of today’s arrival of FIVE houseguests; they won’t notice the “hair carpet” in the bathroom, right? Or our wedding anniversary (I FINALLY REMEMBERED!!!!) Alas, nope and nope. Instead, I think I’m just turning into an old biddy. You know what else makes... Read more »

8 reasons why my husband may never let me plan another vacation

Well, we made it back from our Balkans road trip with a bag of souvenirs and a case of campylobacter. If you aren’t familiar with the latter, consider yourself lucky. However, this got me thinking that maybe, just maybe, I shouldn’t be in charge of planning our vacations. Why?  I’ll give you eight reasons. 1. I... Read more »

8 reasons why I am going to lose my sh!t today

Let’s just jump in, shall we? 1. My mom lost her dental plate. Again. Nerds Smartypants of the world, can you PLEASE, for the love of sweet baby Jesus, invent a bluetooth or homing device for dentures/plates/whathaveyou? These things cost more than the valued place on a Duggar’s v-card. 2. The battery backup for our... Read more »

5 absurd reasons why working from home is amazificent

Back in 2008, I relocated from DC to Chicago and my boss was kind enough to keep me on the payroll as a part-time employee. It was my first experience in the working-from-home world, and I’m not going to lie, it took a bit of time to adjust to this new way of life. Do... Read more »

Searching for patience: My kid sees Africa, I see a missed appointment

I haven’t been very patient with my kid lately. “Hurry up”s in the morning and “slow down”s whenever EK can’t contain his excitement, flow from my mouth like the might ‘Sippa. And, as if I need to one-up myself, I pair my lack of patience with  a dismissive attitude; “Don’t just say ‘yep’, mama. Look!... Read more »

IKEA with kids: A one way ticket to Anxietyville

Today I went to IKEA. I know you are thinking, “IKEA? On a Friday? You are a GREAT planner, Annie.” But wait, my kid is now old enough to gain access to IKEA’s Kinderland or whatevertheshit it’s called in Swedish. Basically a stranger will watch my kid for an hour as long as little Swirley... Read more »

Successful parenting sometimes means letting go

Yesterday I read a well-written blog post by fellow CN’er Walter Michka entitled, “How will your kids turn out?” He wrote, Bryan Caplan, author of Selfish Reasons To Have More Kids believes children’s long-term outcome is more nature than nurture, that parents may have some influence on their children in the short-term but long-term, it’s really up to the kids themselves. “…parents... Read more »

My top five public speaking fails

Writer’s block is living large up in here. Usually I can turn the banal into something funny (or at least something fun to write), but my brain is like a big old black hole sucking in late-night Netflix documentaries while inhaling Pirate’s Booty. God damn that stuff is amazing. Anyway, last night I awoke panic-stricken... Read more »

I'm not ready for my kid to head to year

Lately,  my newsfeed is filled with happy pictures of kids heading off to their first day of school. I  can almost remember what it smelled like that first week – new clothes, fancy folders and locker combinations I still dream about. However, this year things feel a little more sentimental. With every photo I study,... Read more »
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    Annie Swingen

    Chicago-based hyperbole enthusiast. Mom to a kid and sometimes my mom. Overboard (1987) obsessed weirdo. I like the funnies in life.

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