Posts in category "bitch & moan"

Sandwich Generation Stories: Uniforms and Panties

Lately I can’t seem to maintain focus on anything. There exists no excuse like a newborn, or an insanely busy job. In fact,  I work from home three days per week and spend the other two hanging out with my kid and thinking about all the prescriptions I need to fill for my mom. It... Read more »

Dear Chicago Public Schools: Applying to kindergarten shouldn't make me cry

The application process to enter Chicago Public School (CPS) kindergarten classes continues to wreak havoc on my simple brain. Let me break it down for you. 1. First, I complained about the backwardness of  CPS’ application process. 2. Next, I proved myself to be a GIANT HYPOCRITE by  participating in said system (i.e., applied to... Read more »

Caregiving Chronicles: Medicare might give up on mom, but we certainly won't

Guess who’s going to rehab!?!? No, not your favorite celebrity starlet. Well, maybe.  But I’m talking about none other than my mom, Ardie Ho-Ho. Get excited, G-dammit! Since January, Ho-Ho hasn’t walked much. We sherpa’d her to the bathroom enough times to realize that her MS was being a real bitch. Although she was hospitalized... Read more »
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This Week's Top Ten Parenting Fails According to My Kid

1. At 2:30 AM today, I was summoned from Dreamland by a screaming preschooler. I did what any responsible parent would do and covered my head with a pillow. However, his relentless cries finally won out and, after dragging myself out of bed, was told that I “ruined his birthday party by not playing the... Read more »

Fact: The human head weighs 12,000 lbs when resting on one's trachea

My husband is away on a work trip again. Don’t get any ideas, robbers, we have houseguests! Anyway, by night three, my kid usually weasels his way into my bedroom to try to destroy me via co sleeping snuggle. Warm fuzzies, yeah yeah. Without fail, this is what happens every GD time. 4:30 AM – Kid... Read more »

5 absurd reasons why working from home is amazificent

Back in 2008, I relocated from DC to Chicago and my boss was kind enough to keep me on the payroll as a part-time employee. It was my first experience in the working-from-home world, and I’m not going to lie, it took a bit of time to adjust to this new way of life. Do... Read more »
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Kids' birthday parties are going to destroy me

On Sunday afternoon, EK and I attended the second kid birthday party of 2015. And we have another one  scheduled for this weekend. Don’t get me wrong, I do enjoy socializing with parents-now-friends and  EK always has a blast, but the actual party usually ends in tears…mine and/or EK’s. After I returned home from the... Read more »

If my kid wakes me up at 4 AM, I'm either going AWOL or back to bed

When I was pregnant 20,000 years ago, my cousin gave me a book titled, “The Baby is Disappointing“. Interested? Watch the below narrated video (start at 1:00) unless you don’t have a sense of humor. If that’s the case, it’s your funeral, man. The thing is, this little book’s points ring true years after my... Read more »

Caregiving Chronicles: Only quitters give up smoking

Guess who’s back?! Ardie Ho-Ho…with a vengeance! Technically speaking my mom never left, but she’s certainly been quiet. Or I’ve  successfully ignored her phone calls while focusing on the madness that is the Chicago Public School system. Either way, we’ve enjoyed a welcome  albeit temporary respite from Hurricane Ho-Ho. Yesterday morning, while sitting through the... Read more »
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To the person who ransacked my car last night, HAHA

Back in college, some asshole smashed my car window and stole pretty much everything out of that little lemon of a car. From the stereo to my groceries (what? It was fall in WI. Stuff stayed cold), I was left with nothing. I also lost my ENTIRE CD collection (remember those?) because I was a... Read more »
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    Annie Swingen

    Chicago-based hyperbole enthusiast. Mom to a kid and sometimes my mom. Overboard (1987) obsessed weirdo. I like the funnies in life.

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