Posts in category "bitch & moan"

That time I ruined my kid’s birthday

Almost two years ago I penned a post  where I whined about the fallout from kids’ birthday parties; jeers, tears, and beers always followed those overstimulating, sugar-filled two-hour fiestas. I’m pleased to say things have improved markedly when it comes to behavior during and post friends’ parties, however, hosting a shindig continues to be a... Read more »

Skylanders, Lego Dimensions, Pokemon: What the Hell is my kid talking about?

My kid turned six this week. He asked for two gifts for his birthday: a Nerf Zombie Strike gun and Lego Dimensions, a video game to play on his hand-me-down X-Box. I turned to my BFF, Google,to figure out what in Sam Hill this child was talking about. Ultimately, I opted for a single shot... Read more »

5 rookie mistakes I made as a kindergartner's parent

The transition to Kindergarten can be a sticky one. And by sticky I mean, “HOLY HELL, WHOSE PANTS ARE YOU WEARING?” While my kid settled in just fine after a rocky week or two, I continued to make foolish decisions all damn year long. Because I believe in paying it forward, I’ve got five tips... Read more »
Advertisement:

Sock-of-the-month-club member? Don't have a conniption when I mock your subscription

For many, including yours truly, modern life is one that is often focused on convenience and instant gratification. Groceries and even fully prepped meals are delivered to your doorstep. Your asshole friend can hire someone to stand in line at the Apple store for that new iFlismFlasm 2s that he needs like another  Google Glass.... Read more »

Who Said It: Donald Trump or Charlie Sheen?

Ready to play a little game of “Who said what?”  This round: The Donald vs. America’s favorite Warlock. (Answers at the bottom.) 1. “Boom, crush. Night, losers. Winning, duh.” [source] 2. “I don’t have a racist bone in my body.” [source] 3. “I’m tired of pretending I’m not a total bitchin’ rock star from Mars, and... Read more »

Caregiving Chronicles: Difficult decisions and bad hospital TV

I’m sitting in a dimly lit hospital room next to a sleeping mom (Ho-Ho). She’s just been transferred from the neuro unit of one hospital to the acute rehab unit of another. It’s like Groundhog Day ’round these parts; two lesions in four months. ER to rehab to home…and back. Multiple Sclerosis is an asshole.... Read more »
Advertisement:

Sandwich Generation Stories: Uniforms and Panties

Lately I can’t seem to maintain focus on anything. There exists no excuse like a newborn, or an insanely busy job. In fact,  I work from home three days per week and spend the other two hanging out with my kid and thinking about all the prescriptions I need to fill for my mom. It... Read more »

Dear Chicago Public Schools: Applying to kindergarten shouldn't make me cry

The application process to enter Chicago Public School (CPS) kindergarten classes continues to wreak havoc on my simple brain. Let me break it down for you. 1. First, I complained about the backwardness of  CPS’ application process. 2. Next, I proved myself to be a GIANT HYPOCRITE by  participating in said system (i.e., applied to... Read more »

Caregiving Chronicles: Medicare might give up on mom, but we certainly won't

Guess who’s going to rehab!?!? No, not your favorite celebrity starlet. Well, maybe.  But I’m talking about none other than my mom, Ardie Ho-Ho. Get excited, G-dammit! Since January, Ho-Ho hasn’t walked much. We sherpa’d her to the bathroom enough times to realize that her MS was being a real bitch. Although she was hospitalized... Read more »
Advertisement:

This Week's Top Ten Parenting Fails According to My Kid

1. At 2:30 AM today, I was summoned from Dreamland by a screaming preschooler. I did what any responsible parent would do and covered my head with a pillow. However, his relentless cries finally won out and, after dragging myself out of bed, was told that I “ruined his birthday party by not playing the... Read more »
  • ChicagoNow is full of win

    Welcome to ChicagoNow.

    Meet our bloggers,
    post comments, or
    pitch your blog idea.

  • Advertisement:
  • Meet The Blogger

    Annie Swingen

    Chicago-based hyperbole enthusiast. Mom to a kid and sometimes my mom. Overboard (1987) obsessed weirdo. I like the funnies in life.

  • Recent posts

  • Monthly Archives

  • Tags

  • Advertisement: