7 reasons why I'm going back to Cali

I'm sitting at my desk, sweating like an Irishman at the crossroads, and  listening to some LL Cool J. Aside from from loving cool James, do you know what I adore? Air conditioning. And non-crusty skin under my nose. Oh, and the ocean.

It was radio silence over at Swirleytime this past week because we were vacationing sans technology (mostly, well sort-of) in sweet California, aka America's second greatest dairy state.

It was spectacular. Family + sun + breakfast burritos.  If you don't believe me, take a peek at our home video and you will be clamoring for a trip to LA.

So, I have decided we are moving there. Granted, I have yet to consult Mr. Swirley on this epic decision, however, I  compiled a completely scientific list of  reasons why CA ranks higher than IL in the book of awesome.

1. I bet Californians don't come home to their rental apartments 'AND their own homes' air conditioners busted. I mean, I don't know for sure, but I am going to go with it. You know who does? This Illini. I handed off a case of beer to our tenants as compensation for a weekend of 80+ degrees and zero cool air shooting onto their sweating faces.

2. LA offers a wide variety of donut shop options. Yes! Those CA tourist gurus have pulled the wool over eyes, 'Merica! They love fried dough as much as their Midwestern brethren! Even better, you aren't relegated to Dunkin' Donuts - there exist approximately 12,000 mom and pop spots to visit. See, completely scientific study here.

Are you persuaded to pack up and go yet? No? Read on.

Our version of the Pacific

Our version of the Pacific

3.  I am pretty sure people in CA don't get sick. I figure with all that Vitamin D or whatever is shooting from the sun, they kick ass all the time.Yes, we did get sick there, but we aren't natives. And frankly, with the exception of limiting our contact with humans loved ones, I didn't even care because we got to look at the ocean. THE OCEAN! Do you know what my backyard looked like this time last spring?A foul mosquito larvae pool, that's what!

4. HOLY LORD DO I LOVE homemade breakfast burritos. The place down the street from aunt's Playa del Rey digs might make the best BB on Earth.

5. The sun. Yes we have seasons in Chicago, which I suppose is some sort of consolation. That said, I call bullshit when winter means you have to work sporting a hat, scarf and gloves. Cometheshiton.

Cr: Michael Earley Photography. HE IS PHENOMENAL.

Cr: Michael Earley Photography. HE IS PHENOMENAL.

6.  I am pretty sure kids in California aren't allergic to their beds. Since our return home, EK has broken out in hives every time he lays down in his bed. Either he is a magician who has figured out a dastardly way to weasel into our bed, or something is seriously screwed up.

Don't say bed bugs because I already lost my mind and searched - his mattress is impermeable and the hives go down quickly. I honestly think he is having an allergic reaction to NOT sleeping in California. How can I say no to this?

7. Family. I miss them. A lot. My dad is 1 of 12,000 siblings. OK, eight. Five live in CA and get together to taunt one another every so often. They are some of the most fiercely loyal people I know. I find that somewhat terrifying (like that time they threatened my husband at our wedding), but mostly inspiring. I love that EK is starting to get a sense of his extended family and am grateful for social media so that we can keep up with little ones' achievements and publicly mock one another. But I still feel like we are missing out.

Alright, with the exception of #7 (and #4), I know Chicago has a lot to offer. I just wish we lived in a smaller country like Liechtenstein because it's a fun word to say and we could be everywhere at once. But we don't . So instead,  I will continue to stalk family members via the  Interwebs/text messages/phone whathaveyous... and talk to Ellis about how lucky we are to come from such good stock. Well, most of them are good. Some of them used to tie other ones to trees or set favorite stuffed animals on fire (cough cough, dad).

No one ever accused me of being rational. Follow Swirleytime on twitter @swirleytime and Facebook for interesting stories, links and a lot of self-deprecating humor.

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    Annie Swingen

    Chicago-based hyperbole enthusiast. Mom to a kid and sometimes my mom. Overboard (1987) obsessed weirdo. I like the funnies in life.

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