7 annoying things that just might kill me

Sweet mother of pearl am I losing it.  Most of my complaints are irrational, but what's new? And since Mr. Swirley is on a business trip and unreachable because he is all fancy and out to dinner with co-workers, it's time to overshare.

And if you are too lazy to read, you can check out my little chit-chat with the Tribune  on what inspired this post. I hope you enjoy my resting bitch face.

1. I work from home. I recognize that this is a luxury namely because pants are optional. However, do you know what ISN'T  luxurious? Three houses being rehabbed within spitting distance our digs. Plus a garage. Yea, yea, property values schmoperty values.I am pretty sure the garage is being built in our basement and the dudes hammer away from 7 AM to 7 PM. I dreamt about plywood and shingles last night.

2. My kid might be the most annoying person on the planet - at least during this stage of his development. He can go ahead and read this someday and call me a judgmental B. I don't care.

You want an example? He said "why" approximately 10,000 times between the front door and the kitchen. Then, sensing my impending melt-down, followed up with a "I'm just saying the letter 'Y', mama." I'll show you the letter "Y" right after I shove those worms you brought in from the yard straight into my earholes.

I am also pretty sure I need to take him in for a hearing test because not once, but twice today, I asked him to listen to me, and repeat a very simple request. His response? A blank stare followed up with "I didn't hear you mama." A likely story.


See what happens when you eat too many cookies? You can't catch a shoplifter!

3. My husband left cookies at home. Sweet, sugary, delicious cookies. You are thinking, seriously Swirley? You are an ungrateful wife. And you are probably right. But in this case, I specifically requested those cookies be taken to work because I have zero self-control. I am not sure when I slid from "little" to absolutely no self-control, but it's is pretty ugly up in my pantry. And yes, the cookies are gone; I stuffed them into my pie hole when EK had his back to me-nahnah.

4. PEOPLE WHO PARK IN RUSH HOUR LANES FOR DAYS ON END. Seriously? Come on, man! Combine this with the incessant "whys" from the back seat and I might go AWOL, or at the very least, pull over and push your moped over.

5. My towels smell like dirt.  What's the deal with that? We wash them semi-regularly.

6.  Ho-Ho is being disruptive in her supportive living center. Last week she had a resident drive her around for six hours to look at apartments - oh to be a fly on that car wall. The administrators are non plussed.

7. I got a new bathing suit today that showed off my mom boobs. Don't worry, I am returning it for a swim parka (courtesy of the Tot Wrangler)

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    Annie Swingen

    Chicago-based hyperbole enthusiast. Mom to a kid and sometimes my mom. Overboard (1987) obsessed weirdo. I like the funnies in life.

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