Sweet mother of pearl am I losing it. Most of my complaints are irrational, but what's new? And since Mr. Swirley is on a business trip and unreachable because he is all fancy and out to dinner with co-workers, it's time to overshare.
And if you are too lazy to read, you can check out my little chit-chat with the Tribune on what inspired this post. I hope you enjoy my resting bitch face.
1. I work from home. I recognize that this is a luxury namely because pants are optional. However, do you know what ISN'T luxurious? Three houses being rehabbed within spitting distance our digs. Plus a garage. Yea, yea, property values schmoperty values.I am pretty sure the garage is being built in our basement and the dudes hammer away from 7 AM to 7 PM. I dreamt about plywood and shingles last night.
2. My kid might be the most annoying person on the planet - at least during this stage of his development. He can go ahead and read this someday and call me a judgmental B. I don't care.
You want an example? He said "why" approximately 10,000 times between the front door and the kitchen. Then, sensing my impending melt-down, followed up with a "I'm just saying the letter 'Y', mama." I'll show you the letter "Y" right after I shove those worms you brought in from the yard straight into my earholes.
I am also pretty sure I need to take him in for a hearing test because not once, but twice today, I asked him to listen to me, and repeat a very simple request. His response? A blank stare followed up with "I didn't hear you mama." A likely story.
3. My husband left cookies at home. Sweet, sugary, delicious cookies. You are thinking, seriously Swirley? You are an ungrateful wife. And you are probably right. But in this case, I specifically requested those cookies be taken to work because I have zero self-control. I am not sure when I slid from "little" to absolutely no self-control, but it's is pretty ugly up in my pantry. And yes, the cookies are gone; I stuffed them into my pie hole when EK had his back to me-nahnah.
4. PEOPLE WHO PARK IN RUSH HOUR LANES FOR DAYS ON END. Seriously? Come on, man! Combine this with the incessant "whys" from the back seat and I might go AWOL, or at the very least, pull over and push your moped over.
5. My towels smell like dirt. What's the deal with that? We wash them semi-regularly.
6. Ho-Ho is being disruptive in her supportive living center. Last week she had a resident drive her around for six hours to look at apartments - oh to be a fly on that car wall. The administrators are non plussed.
7. I got a new bathing suit today that showed off my mom boobs. Don't worry, I am returning it for a swim parka (courtesy of the Tot Wrangler)
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