Archive for May 2014

I'd rather eat shards of glass than listen to people chew

Yesterday, I logged in to my computer and was oddly inspired by Can I Get Another Bottle of Whine With My Morning Quiet Time?  hilarious meme on maintaining one’s composure when faced with a “gross chewer”. And let me preface this post with the fact that yes, I realize there exists full-mouth talkers and it’s totally reasonable... Read more »

Nature vs Nurture?: Why can't my mind and pie hole cooperate?

So I am not the most articulate person in the world. I commonly substitute one word for a wholly unrelated word. Just last week, in a Skype conversation with the Tribune,  I used “humble” instead of “modest and still am kicking myself. Exchanges with my husband generally go like this: Me: Lee, can you hand me... Read more »

10 things that prove I am a happy person, dammit

Fine, I’ll admit it. I was kind of pissface Debbiedowner in my last post. To make up for it, I present to you GIFs galore to illustrate the things that make life just a little more fantabulous. Listen to this song while reading along… 1. A full coffee pot. Just picking that sucker up and... Read more »
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7 annoying things that just might kill me

Sweet mother of pearl am I losing it.  Most of my complaints are irrational, but what’s new? And since Mr. Swirley is on a business trip and unreachable because he is all fancy and out to dinner with co-workers, it’s time to overshare. And if you are too lazy to read, you can check out... Read more »

Letter to a new mom: Five reasons why you kick ass

You will have some toned-ass biceps. OK, maybe just one arm, but whatevs. Yes, it’s due to lugging that little peanut around, doing arm-lifts with a car seat or late night “swinging sessions”, but hey, exercise is exercise! And it’s free. And best of all, if you are sleepy enough, you won’t even remember doing the actual heavy lifting.
This week, many of us here at ChicagoNow have been writing letters and sharing our thoughts to all the new mothers out there. My two cents? Eat lots of tacos and ice cream, cherish your newly acquired biceps and be kind to yourself. Listen, there is a lot of scary talk out there when it... Read more »
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    Annie Swingen

    Chicago-based hyperbole enthusiast. Mom to a kid and sometimes my mom. Overboard (1987) obsessed weirdo. I like the funnies in life.

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