I don't go on business trips very often, especially since I moved to IL and now work from home. However, when the opportunity presents itself, I inevitably am confronted with awkward situations that end in incredible embarrassment.
1. Mealtime. I went on a farm-tour in rural Iowa and was force fed salo (salted lard) by a group of Ukrainian salo enthusiasts. After
gagging on sampling the crisco-like treat, I attempted to discreetly hide the squishy piece in my suit pocket.
Farewell jacket! Ain't no dry cleaner willing to scrape pig fat off a polyester lining.
2. Interpersonal relations. Weird stuff happens in DC, I get it. But the weirdest was sitting in the hotel room with a foreign visitor making googly eyes at me. I spent my time chatting with a travel agent via phone and playing musical beds with said guest.
Best pick up line? "I have daughter your same age." BAGH!
3. Hygiene. I own an electric toothbrush. I also was assigned a hotel room which shared a wall with the bossman. Cue freak out that he might think my trusty toothbrush was a vibrator. Even with the bathroom door closed and fan on, my embarrassment was so uncontrollable that I wrapped my Sonicare in a towel. Can't they make those suckers quieter?
4. Bathrooms. Dear God, this one is terrible. I traveled to Moscow with a delegation and my coworker claimed Russian McDonald's fare was far superior to its American counterpart. FALSE! I put it on par with the sludge they sling here.
Also, Russians don't believe in public bathrooms; I ran through the streets searching for "PECTOPAH" (tr. restaurant) while my guts bubbled and gurgled. IT.WAS.TERRIFYING. But I made it. Barely.
5. Fashion. Listen, DC may be our nation's capital, but it certainly isn't a fashion mecca. This is OK for a person like me who has little-to-no fashion sense. Yea, I was 22 and shopping at Ann Taylor (hides face in shame).
Do you know what city holds fashion to a higher standard? la Grosse Pomme. And can you guess who shows up to an Upper East Side cocktail fundraiser in a frumpy business suit? Oh yes I did! All I remember is a flurry of tailored black dresses, a few sparkles and me cowering in the corner. Lesson learned: Don't go to NYC.
What crazy situations have you encountered while on the road? Share them so I don't feel like a freak. PLEASE.
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