Winter is crap except for those delicious snowflakes

And here it is folks. The annual bitch about the weather post. This year's  is sponsored by the post lady who just told me to "shut up" when I shivered as I handed her 1/1000000 of our Christmas cards (last year the postman told me he would stop delivering mail if I kept answering the door with a butcher knife). Why do I always order so 1455989_261950390623448_783188736_nmany cards? I don't have that many friends/family members. The cards just sit at the bottom of a tupperware bin and rot.  But I digress.

I hate cold. I have always hated it. You can roll your eyes at me or whatever, but it sucks. Especially when you live in old houses and can feel the cold just waiting to attack you the second you slither out of bed. My friend Katie lives in East Glacier, MT where it's like -400 degrees F for 900 days a year and they have only a fireplace stove-thingy to warm their house.  I want to cry when she tells me about how they have to have someone come start a fire every few days when they are traveling or the house will take 10 years to warm up upon their return.

I like to sit next to a space heater for so long that my skin gets dryer than Scaly McScalerson over in the reptile building at the Lincoln Park Zoo. And until the rivets on my jeans actually burn me because the metal is so freaking hot. I want to throw a fuse every nine minutes because that little hot box is jacked up so high that my electric bill will be $1 bazillion for the month of December.  I like to wear a hat and scarf and fingerless gloves on my fingers while I work from home. And while I sleep.

When we moved back to the Midwest after nearly a decade on the east coast (DC = dirty south?), my friends were appalled that I forgot that winter doesn't end in April. I mean, I spent 21 years living in IL/WI for God's sake...selective memory, I suppose. So this is it. I am getting it out of my system now so you don' t have to hear about it (at least from me) for the next 150 days.

Screw it. Who am I kidding? Winter is bullshit. Except for this part - which pretty much makes it all worth it, right? RIGHT?

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    Annie Swingen

    Chicago-based hyperbole enthusiast. Mom to a kid and sometimes my mom. Overboard (1987) obsessed weirdo. I like the funnies in life.

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